


Just a Thought

by cephalopod_groupie



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Caring, Face Punching, Fantasizing, First Kiss, First Time Together, Fluff, Ghost Drifting, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Blood, Mutual Pining, Pining, Punching, Romance, Sex, Smooching, Swearing, cw: description of Newton's first drift, mild violence, riding off into the sunset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-02-26 03:21:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 27,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2636162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cephalopod_groupie/pseuds/cephalopod_groupie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Both Newton and Hermann have fantasies about eachother...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Warmth

**Author's Note:**

> Not all chapters are explicit.

Hermann sat in front of his computer, waiting. He turned around to see Newton where he usually was, beside a large chunk of Kaiju remains. He stared at him freely because the man couldn't see him. Newton's jeans clung firmly to his thighs and backside, his white button-down obscuring little of the shape of his torso. Newton felt a chill wash over him, despite his three layers of clothing, as he thought about how warm Newton must be to have that one layer on, his arms almost always exposed to the lukewarm air of their Shatterdome lab. With every motion of his hands inside the Kaiju specimen, Newton's arms pulled at the white fabric, revealing the physicality of his shoulders, the muscles, the blades. His shoulders and upper back always looked so inviting. Perhaps because that was what he most often saw of his lab partner. Or because he imagined his body to be warm and strong. What if they were in an established relationship? He could feel that warmth whenever he wanted. He let himself go all dreamy, not focusing on anything in particular, imagining what it would be like...

"Come and have a cuddle," Hermann said, uncharacteristically romantic and suggestive, with a sly friendly smile and an enticing gesture of his head. Newton stopped cleaning off a scalpel, let it clatter onto a tray and walked over to him.

"The Marshal will be here any minute," he said in disbelief, "You know how punctual he is."

"Come sit on my lap and have a cuddle," he repeated, still smiling tenderly. A wry look passed over Newton's face.

"Oh, I see, you wanna get caught." Hermann didn't say anything and pulled Newton onto his lap and into a lovely deep kiss. Newton wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Hermann ran his hands up his back. Yes, he was warm. He explored the subtle curves of his musculature between his shoulder blades. Newton breathed in, filling his lungs to the brim, which pressed them even closer together. He moved his mouth away from Hermann's and started to nuzzle his neck. Hermann squeezed him lovingly. He felt a strong hand reach down over his back between his own shoulder blades and dig its fingers in with gentle passion. The feeling of Newton straddling his lap, chest close up against his own, was,  _would be_ , heaven. He was enveloped in warmth. Newton had got his breath back and began to kiss his mouth again, and again. Hermann couldn't imagine the exact sequence of movements their lips could make,  _would make_ , but just the sensation of their lips touching, being enfolded, was-

Someone authoritative cleared their throat. Newton got off of him and they were parted like interrupted lovers in a film. ...

His mouth was parted, breathing steadily but deeply, staring into an invisible abyss, depth of field completely out of focus.

"Uh, Hermann, Hermann?" Newt said, waving a hand in front of his face. Hermann jumped and sprang to his feet erratically. Pentecost was standing, waiting for Hermann to discuss his latest findings with the aid of his computer. They were both staring at him. Stacker, annoyed; Newton perplexed. They couldn't guess what he had been thinking about, could they? Of course not. That was impossible. But he must have looked flushed, pupils dilated, surely Newton, an expert in biology, would see these things. After Stacker left, Newton nudged him.

"Jesus dude, what were you thinking about?" Newton smirked and walked away. Hermann would have to be very careful in future about letting his mind wander into such delectable fantasies before such an important meeting.


	2. Chalkboard Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton gazes at Hermann and his mind wanders into naughty-chalkboard territory.

Newton, stretched and looked across the lab. Hermann Gottlieb, or rather the back of him, was visible. The soft noise of his incessant chalking was bizarrely comforting. Hermann was muttering to himself as usual. Did it help him think, or did he just like to grumble? Newton knew the man wouldn't turn around so he stared freely. Hermann's body was thin, but not just thin, what was that word? Lithe. Yeah, definitely. Though he used a cane and his walk was awkward, the way he slid up and down the ladder as he worked was graceful. In fact, every time he caught Hermann moving toward the ladder he almost always stopped what he was doing to watch him maneuver on it. Presently, he was just standing, staring at an equation, a hand on the back of his attractively scrawny neck. Newton gulped. He could just imagine, gripping him by the scruff of that close-shaven neck, lightly shoving him backwards into the chalkboard, kissing the life out of him...

"Newton," Hermann said, distressed. Newton could feel every letter as he spoke, taste his own name on Hermann's lips. He felt lightheaded with sated desire. "You're ruining my equations," the man said into his mouth.

"Nope! I took a picture, see?" Newton reached into his back pocket and held up his phone. I totally guarantee he thinks I'd be inconsiderate and mess up his fricken equations. But they mean so much to him, how could I do that? Hermann looked at Newton tenderly, uttering his name again in gratitude, sighed with pleasure, and kissed him full on the mouth, daring to add a little tongue. He'd be totally classy about that, I'm sure, Newton thought to himself.

"God, you do feel lovely..." Hermann breathed between caresses.

"Wait," Newton stopped, leaning on his arms, hands covered in chalk, "You actually think I'd ruin your equations? All your work?"

"No, I suppose not..." Hermann said, returning to Newton's lips.

"No, seriously?"

"You want reassurance?"

"Yeah." Newton felt himself melting into Hermann. He bent his elbows and pressed Hermann flat against the chalkboard. Oh my God, have I got a praise kink? Hermann was about to reach up to Newton, but he didn't get very far. Newton pressed his chest into Hermann and took hold of his wrists, pinning his hands to the ledge of the chalkboard. A couple pieces of chalk hit the floor, one was ground into powder beneath his boney fingers. Newt imagined Hermann's thin, strong hands, covered in chalk dust. He needed to catch his breath. Wow, this really is a fantasy because Hermann's not saying anything. But I wanted him to now.

"Hermann," he said, still lip to lip, "Say something."

"Like what?" Hermann was breathless too.

"Anything...I just want to feel your mouth."

"Oh, Newton," he said, indolent, drawing out every syllable, "How long have you wanted to do this?"

"Do what, Hermann?" Newton played dumb, not wanting to do the talking.

"Force me...up against the chalkboard...manhandle me...explore my mouth..." Newton moaned deeply...

"Are you alright, Newton?"

"What?!" Newton practically jumped off the floor he was so startled. Hermann had turned around and was looking at him suspiciously.

"You just made...a sound."

"Oh really?" Newton failed spectacularly at pretending to be unaware of the blatantly orgasmic noise that just escaped his open mouth. "Yup, I'm totally fine, just been a long day. Iiii'm gonna go clean up. See you later." Newton turned on his heal before he could see the painfully bewildered look that was no doubt painted on Hermann's face.


	3. Follicle Rub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton comes down with a cold and Hermann wishes he could comfort him more intimately than just bringing him soup.

Newton stood in the doorway. He sneezed and loudly blew his nose. The noise made Hermann look up. Newton was leaning on the metal doorframe of the lab with his eyes closed, rubbing his head.

"Are you alright, Newton?" he said walking over to him. Newton was disheveled, but not in his usual "take-on-the-world" kind of way.

"Just a cold, I'll be fine. Don't know where I picked it up; I don't go anywhere." He rubbed his eyes and tried to walk forward but it was more of a stumble. He coughed.

"You look dreadful," Hermann said, concerned, then is expression turned exasperated, "You're in no fit state to work today." Newton blew his nose and then swayed on his feet.

"Come on, you're going back to bed. You're not going to be able to accomplish much anyway today and you'll probably contaminate the samples." Newton protested as Hermann gripped him by the forearm, nearly dragging him out of the lab.

"No, it's not that bad, honestly." Hermann didn't listen and forcefully guided him back to his room.

"You're having trouble standing. If you don't recover now, you'll be worse later and then you'll get even less work done." Newton sneezed again and coughed deeply.

"Yeah, ok," Newton said, sighing heavily. He unlocked the door, nearly falling into it. He stumbled into the room.

"I'll make your excuses if anyone should ask. It's a good job we have no meetings today. Now, get those stupid tight trousers off and get into bed. I'll go and get you some soup if you'd like." Newton flopped onto the unmade mattress.

"Thank you, mommy," Newton said sarcastically, already starting to doze. Hermann watched him from the doorway. Newton was still in his tight jeans, wearing a shirt instead of his white button-down, breathing with his mouth open, glasses askew. Hermann fought the incredible urge to get into bed with him and sooth him to sleep...

Hermann rested next to him and softly pulled his head to his chest. Newton was warm with illness, his whole body slack. He purred contentedly through his congested throat. Hermann ran his fingers through Newt's hair and he instantly felt the man relax to his touch. Newton let his head become dead weight.

"Oh that's nice," he said sleepily, eyes rolling back until he let his eyelids fall shut. Hermann smiled, arching his fingers, pressing the tips to his scalp, working in little circles. He massaged slowly, deeply. There was little light in the room, and Hermann closed his eyes too, savoring the sensation of his thin fingers threading through Newton's thick, dark hair. If he wasn't so weary himself, he'd map every inch of his brilliant skull. His own yearning for basic intimacy was intoxicating as he worked on and on. His movements became more languid, and yet he pressed a bit harder. He nearly lulled himself to sleep and so opened his eyes. Newton had fallen asleep to Hermann's kneading, his chest rising and falling at an even pace. Hermann smiled and gently shifted Newt's head to his pillow. He got up as carefully as he could and walked to the door...

Newton was indeed fast asleep. Hermann clung to the doorframe, watching him, fighting the desire to be close to him. Even in his weakened state, he would still wonder what on Earth Hermann was going massaging his head in such an intimate way. Periodically, he checked on Newt and was met only with snores. That is, until dinner time, when he brought him some soup. Hermann didn't attempt to make eye contact and as he made to leave, Newton coughed and then pointedly cleared his throat.

"Thanks, dude."

"My pleasure."


	4. Human Element

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann catches Newt’s cold. Newton wants to warm him up but only thinks about it.

"Hermann?" Newton said when he entered the industrial PPDC laboratory, "Why are you wearing your parka in the lab? It's already warm in here." Hermann coughed and turned round, his nose red from blowing it incessantly.

"Shit, I was hoping you wouldn't catch this from me."

"I knew I would anyway; we practically  _live_  in the lab together. It was inevitable."

"And you're gonna stand, all day, when you're sick as a dog. Makes sense, dude," Newton said with as much deadpan sarcasm as he could possibly inject into it.

"Like you were going to do? You nearly fainted."

"OK, I did not 'nearly faint' I had just gotten outta bed and I was a little groggy."

"You were unsteady on your feet."

"Well, you just dropped your chalk and didn't even notice." Hermann looked down, and Newt was reminded of a drunk who realizes they drop change and contemplates picking up the coins. His cane slipped.

"K, Hermann, now it's my turn. You're going back to bed." Hermann gave a rumpled frog face and Newt swiped one of Hermann's notebooks off his desk.

"Here," he said, pressing it into Hermann's sweater vest-clad chest, "If you have an idea you can write it down in this. You're going back to bed."

"Thank you, Dr. Geiszler, MD."

"That's what I get for taking care of you, fine, I'll just go," he said impassively, throwing up his hands.

"New- _ahCHOO_ -ton, I'm sorry, forgive me. I appreciate your concern." Newton softened but tried not to let his expression change. He guided Hermann into his room after he unlocked it and started to remove his coat.

"No, I'd like to keep it on. I've got the chills."

"You can't sleep in your coat, that's goofy. You've got plenty of blankets, come on." Hermann was in no condition to argue and let Newton do as he pleased. Hermann closed his eyes as he felt his shoes being slipped off, and the blankets being piled over him.

"Better?"

"Much. Thank you, Newton."

Newton turned but when he reached the door he stole a look at Hermann. He's breathing from his mouth, a rare sight, with the blankets wrapped around his body like a little baby. A large, thin, grumpy baby with a cane. Newton cursed himself for not removing Hermann's clothing. It would be a great chance to catch a glimpse of him.  _He's gotta be all wiry and boney under there. His chest is so broad it has to be kinda gorgeous._ What he wouldn't give to spread his hands all over it...

Newton slipped under the covers. Hermann practically propelled himself off the bed in shock.

"What are you doing? I'm ill. You'll catch it."

"What? The kaiju plague? I  _gave_  you the fricken cold anyway."

"Well, I feel bloody awful, so please leave me alone to fester."

"You still cold?" Newton refused to budge.

"Yes."

"Come on," Newton said as he shimmied up to him, "I'll be your hot water bottle"

"No - Newton," Hermann grumbled, curling further into his fetal position. But he laughed weakly and the corners of his mouth curled up a bit as Newton wrapped himself around the ill man. Newton flung an arm and a leg over Hermann's body and pressed his chest up flush to his back.

"How's that?"

" _Oh_ , you're lovely and  _warm_ , Newton."

"See." Newton said, snuggling up to him, nestling their bodies together, nuzzling behind one of Hermann's charmingly sticky-out-ears. Hermann released a pleasured sound and inhaled deeply. Newton kissed his neck softly and rubbed his chest.  _Hot damn it's flat and solid and it feels so good._ He spent a little while listening to Hermann's hoarse breathing as it became easier and started to drift off himself...

Newton felt very melancholy standing at the door, yearning to spoon Hermann and make the man less cranky and more comfortable. He cleared his throat and Hermann wriggled a bit.

"K, tissues are right by you. And later I'll bring you soup like did for me."

"Mm, 'hank you, New~ _tnnn_ ," Hermann said in mid-doze. Newton did return later to find Hermann wrapped up in all his blankets, writing in his notebook.

"Well, dude, here's your soup." Hermann looked up and Newton fought the urge to laugh at the bundled up form in front of him.

"What?"

"Don't you remember I said I'd bring you soup?"

"Ah, no, I must have already drifted off." Newton set the tray on his bedside table.

"I thought you weren't going to work today."

"The mathematical muses wait for no man. And apparently no illness, either."

"Hey, that was kinda poetic." Hermann hmphed and Newton headed for the door again. Hermann looked up.

"I do appreciate it." Newton pretended not to care and looked back with a smile.

"No probs, dude."


	5. Side Effect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann gets distracted in a time of crisis.

They were in a long string of particularly violent Kaiju attacks. They were working non-stop, in the lab constantly, less than 5 hours of sleep a night. Tensions were running high but they were almost too busy to argue. Hermann was glad of it. No interruptions to speak of and nothing but his equations. But being thrown into his work produced a rather inconvenient side-effect. He found his mind wandering into very raunchy territory. What started him off was a very innocent noise from Newton. On the third day of the marathon of drudgery, Newton bent over to pick up a large tray of Kaiju guts and grunted as he stood up. It wasn't a sexual noise, but to Hermann's work-addled mind it sounded like one. Hermann actually thought to himself, "I wonder if he'd make that sound if I thrust up into him," and then immediately smacked himself on the forehead.  _No no no. Stop stop stop._

A few minutes later and his mind wandered back to Newton. "He'd certainly be energetic," Hermann thought, looking at the man's backside as he moved around the lab at top speed. He shook his head vigorously. "It's just instinct and Newton is in the line of fire," Hermann told himself, "He's just  _here_. We're in close proximity and that's all it is.  _Oh God, don't bend over._  I must think about how much he annoys me. Even when he's being brilliant.  _Oh yes_ , he  _is_  brilliant. Damn him! And damn my groin!"

Close proximity… Oh, if this were all over and they were in bed together….Newton straddling him, both of them naked, rocking together. The pleasure would be mind-blowing. It had to be…

"Hermann, I'm really close," Newton panted, just above a whisper.

"Yes, yes, I'll go faster…" Hermann chanted, breathing hard, relishing every second of contact.

 _"Oh...baby,"_  Newton breathed sensually.

"I should not…be so… _aroused_ … _oh_ …by…by that… _ridiculous_  turn of phrase…"

He didn't believe himself capable of such frantic thrusts, but he was imagining it in full, luscious detail. Newton on his lap, riding him, bare arms wrapped around eachother (except the one Newton had around himself), Hermann pumping hard. And then…

 _"Newton…."_  Hermann whispered, breathed, drawing out every syllable as he came. His orgasm simply tore through him, ripping him in two. His head was beautifully foggy, his whole body warm, as he felt Newton come. The sound of it was incredible to him, echoing in his groggy mind. Both their heads were thrown back and they grasped eachother, breathing harder than they needed to, lost in the aftershocks. Then, still breathless, Hermann uttered something that surprised even himself.

"I…I adore you."

"Really?" Newton was smiling, in awe, his green eyes like flame, his face beautiful with afterglow…

It was how Newton would probably  _never_  look at him. Hermann couldn't bear it anymore. He closed his mind's eye. All he could see was his chalkboard. Then his equations became blurry.  _Tears, really, Gottlieb?_

"You ok, dude?" Newton said from across the lab, "You're breathing kinda funny."

"Oh shut up and leave me alone!" Hermann snapped at him as he whipped round and headed straight for the door of the lab, hoping to God Newton wouldn't see pinkness on his face or the moisture in his eyes.

A few minutes passed and there was a knock.

"Hermann?"

"Yes?" he said softly, his tears now subsided.

"I know you're gonna yell at me again, but I just wanted to check on you." Newton's voice was dull, almost indifferent. But that didn't matter because he was standing outside Hermann's room and that was all that mattered.

"Come in. It's open." Newton opened the door slowly to see Hermann sitting on his bed with his back to the door. He said nothing.

'I'm fine, thank you Newton."

"What was it that got you so upset? I mean, it wasn't me this time."

"No, it wasn't you. I was just frustrated by an equation." He felt Newton turn to leave.

"Newton," he said, speaking a little more loudly, still unable to face him, "I'm sorry."

"That's ok." Newton said, sounding once again like himself, "I mean, I probably snap at you a few times a week. But that's what we do, right? Piss eachother off?"

"That's what we do, yes," Hermann said with almost no expression. He felt that Newton wasn't going to leave unless he assured him he was alright.

"I'm fine, Newton, really I am. I shall be out in a minute."

"K. buddy." Newton's voice sounded kind. That made it almost worse. But it also made it better.


	6. Ever So

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt can’t stop thinking about Hermann’s flare-up and imagines how he could help him relieve the tension.

A day had passed since Hermann had lashed out at Newton for no apparent reason but Newton couldn't stop thinking about it. He hadn't pissed him off, they were just under a ton of pressure. The weight of the world, really. The two of them, in that big lab together, practically bouncing off the proverbial walls, working hard to save the world – literally. It was bound to make them both have outbursts. But this one had been different. Newton kept looking at him after that. What he wouldn't give to see Hermann just totally lose it and get rid of all that tension. And not just watching him having a good old yell either, maybe seeing him smash something, or better yet...watching him come. Newton squinched up his eyes, cursing himself.  _Oh man, not now, I've got work to do._  But just the nanosecond thought of Hermann in a state of arousal was almost enough to make him accidentally dissect his own hand instead of the Kaiju specimen he was supposed to be working on...

He saw himself making vigorous love to Hermann. On a couch, a bed, he didn't care and didn't even bother to visualize it. All he knew was that it was a firm yet soft surface in a sort of slab shape. His mattress, maybe Hermann's. Hermann beneath him, keening, arching his back, touching Newt's tattooed chest. Newton felt almost nervous, embarrassed even in a fantasy, like he wasn't supposed to see this. He found himself babbling a bit. But Hermann seemed nervous too, talking just as much as he was. Their words on every thrust, between every thrust.

"Please tell me you're going to fuck me ever so hard, Newton."

"Yes, yes, I will," Newton panted, nodding his head furiously, doing just that.

"A-actually say it."

"I-I'm going to fuck you e-"

"Ever-" Hermann coaches softly.

"E-ever so hard, Hermann."  _I'll just bet he'd get off on me saying his quaint little phrases, God I_ know _he would! I know_  I _would... I am... oh God no._

"Oh God you're fully inside me, Newton."  _Would he really say that?_

"Yes, yes, I am...it's just...you're so... _unf..._ " Newton thrust almost blindly.

"As hard as you can, Newton, I'm begging you." The desperation in Hermann's voice was enough to burn every piece of valuable information out of his mind.

"Yes, beg me,  _God yes_  please beg me." Hermann groaned.  _There goes the first doctorate._  Newton whined, the sheer absurdity of the situation giving way to aching pleasure. Hermann's hips snapped up involuntarily and they both groaned, almost in unison.  _Second doctorate and maybe the third, wiped out._

"Don't be afraid of hurting me just push," Hermann said even though Newt was doing exactly that. But he was careful too. They never talked about the cause of Hermann's limp, but Newton was always respectful of it. And even here, in his mind, though jouncing him into whatever surface they were on, he was kind. He couldn't be cruel to Hermann despite the number of times he wanted to punch him in the face.  _Hermann would totally appreciate it. Yeah, he totally would._  Hermann moaned appreciatively, muttering Newton's name as if he was in a drugged stupor. Newton was reaching his crisis and told him so.

"I can't take it anymore, Herms, I-I've gotta..." Hermann nodded quickly, eyes hooded, hand working himself at top speed. Newton let himself fall into the abyss and called out. He rocked through his own waning climax determined to bring him off. Not five seconds later he felt Hermann's warmth plaster his chest and looked down just in time to see him throw his head back as the second wave hit him.  _Yes, let go. I'm here, Hermann. Let yourself feel good._

As they recovered, Hermann reached up to touch Newton's face with great tenderness, as if to say 'thank you,' then he laced his fingers through Newt's hair, soothing him. Both of them were spend. Newton leaned down a little further so their foreheads could touch.

"Holy shit, I…I love you," Newton said, only opening his eyes, daring to look into Hermann's eyes at the last syllable.

"Oh Newton…truly?" A wave of a different kind of pleasure washed over him and he suddenly felt a little weak. Falling forward slightly and then realizing just in time that he wasn't resting on top of a naked and damp Hermann, but standing on his own two feet and hovering dangerously over a lump of dead Kaiju...

"Are you alright, Newton? You look as though you're about to faint."

"No no, not going to faint."

"Probably inhaling too many Kaiju fumes."

"They don't give off fumes, you idiot!" Hermann gave him a dirty and almost wounded look. "Shit, sorry dude, I'm just..."

"I understand," Hermann said, shuffling some papers on his desk, "Well, you're even with me now for my behavior yesterday."

"Honestly dude, I really don't think like that." Hermann looked at him, almost blankly, but then he nodded once, lips pursed, and returned to his work.  _Shit, he doesn't even care._  Newton suddenly couldn't think straight. It wasn't just his hard-on.

_I love him? That can't be right. No way. Sometimes when guys fight it's like, anger is close to sex...cuz you're all worked up. It's this male ego thing. Fight...sex...kinda the same thing. I'm just sexually frustrated. Been working too long. I'm hard and he's just only person I ever really talk to so I'm just projecting my impulses onto him. Sure, that's it..._

_I love him. Fuck._


	7. Rub Me Down, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann’s legs and hips are bothering him in an important meeting; he wishes Newton could take care of his problem.

Usually Hermann loved meetings but not today. His hips and legs were killing him.  _This is most inconvenient. Newton and I have some important information to convey this afternoon._  Hermann rubbed his forehead with one hand, trying to focus on what Marshal Pentecost was saying. Newton was sitting next to him as always. The wound-up biologist accidentally clunked his leg into Hermann's.

"Oh sorry," he said casually, looking away abruptly. Hermann stared at him for a moment, trying to decipher his attitude. When Newton looked back at him he put his head down.

"Hey, buddy," Newton whispered, "You ok?"

"My hips are playing me up a bit today, that's all," Hermann replied softly.

"Want me to get you something for it?"

"No. But thank you all the same, Newton."

"Sure thing," Newton said, giving his thigh a single, quick, friendly pat.  _Dear God, what was that for? But look at him, completely calm. He has no idea what he's doing to me. It was just a platonic touch to him. It's just his way. He has no boundaries. I wish he had meant something by it. If only Newton could massage my legs and hips and..._

"Newton," Hermann whispered into his ear, "Do you think you could work your magic?" Newton grinned slyly but discreetly, inching his chair closer to Hermann's and slipping his left hand under the table.

"You ok?" Hermann told him of his discomfort as Newton began to gently press his fingertips into the meatiest part of Hermann's grey-trouser-clad thigh. It was all Hermann could do not to let his head drop back but he fought the urge as he knew that feeling would intensify.

"How's that?" Newton's voice was barely audible. Hermann exhaled. Newton's hand was warm and strong. He was squeezing just right, on the verge of being too much pressure, but that's what he needed, wanted. Newton's brawny fingers dug into his muscle.

"So good," he said, just daring to let the words escape his mouth. He was answered with an emphatic squeeze. How Newton managed to knead his thigh without moving is upper arm, thus gaining the attention of everyone at the meeting, he didn't know. Newton began to slide his hand up Hermann's thigh, closer to his groin and hip. Hermann leaned forward onto the table before him, bracing himself. Newton pretended to be oblivious to his movement, concentrating on what Tendo Choi was saying about technical issues in LOCCENT. He stopped squeezing and took to rubbing Hermann's upper thigh with his palm. Tendo asked Hermann if it was possible to periodically sync data from his computer to LOCCENT.

"Ah," Hermann choked out, attempting to disguise the titillation in his voice by clearing his throat, "It certainly is possible, but I don't think it is completely necessary."

"But we need to have your data during kaiju attacks without depending on a parsed out report. We need a fuller stream of data."

"Very well," Hermann said, fighting a sigh of contentment, "I'll see what I can do." Newton continued his ministrations, looking from Tendo to Hermann and back again, a perfect facade of mock innocence.  _Infuriating little...ah!_

"OK, can we have the computers synced up by next week?" Hermann was about to answer Tendo when Newton rotated his wrist so that his pinkie inched dangerously close to Hermann's increasingly plump groin.

"Yes," Hermann added, practically holding his breath, "before the next predicted attack." Newton sniffed and moved his hand down Hermann's leg toward his knee.

"Alright, break for ten minutes, everyone," Stacker said, "Gottlieb, Geiszler, you two will start off when we reconvene."

"Yes sir." After about three minutes everyone had gotten up and left the room. Newton grinned ecstatically and rubbed Hermann's upper thigh boldly, letting his fingertips brush against Hermann's bulge.

"N-no, Newton, d-don't be naughty, now," Hermann said, trying to be authoritative and failing parlously. His voice was needy and a bit pathetic.

"I'll be naughty if I want to," Newton said playfully, standing up and sliding his hands over Hermann's hips, spreading them wide and gently pressing down, rubbing up and down.

"Does that feel good?"

"You know damn well it does, you scoundrel," Hermann said closing his eyes, tilting his head back a little.

"I'm glad to help, babe."

"It does ease it a little but it often takes physical therapy and proper medication to alleviate my discomfort."

"I know, but whatever I can do, you know," Newton said softly, seeking out Hermann's pale, thin lips. Hermann felt Newton's inviting movements and reciprocated. A minute later Tendo walked in and stood in the doorway. As soon as he saw them locking lips, the bagel that he had between his teeth dropped to the floor.

"Whoa, hey, I'll come back when yer finished." Newton pulled away abruptly and their lips made a wet smacking sound as they parted.

"No, sorry, shit, we're done, sorry," Newton said, sitting down again. Hermann grinned shyly at Newton's sudden nervousness at getting caught.

"Hey, whatever turns you on, man," Tendo said with a lopsided expression as he picked up his bagel and dusted it off...

The Tendo in real life, however, was endeavoring to get Hermann's attention. Hermann sputtered a response about syncing the computers and then Pentecost called mid-meeting break. Hermann got up stiffly, putting most of his weight on his cane.

"Hermann," Newton stopped him, "Do wanna leave the meeting and have me talk about our material?"

"No, certainly not."

"It's just, you look kinda pale, you know, more than usual. Are you in a lot of pain?"

"Pain, no, just a sort of ache."

"Oh ok, just go take something for it, dude. Don't let yourself fester."

"Yes, thank you, Newton," Hermann said a little more tersely than he'd intended.

Medication would help him physically, but the comfort he needed was for a very different kind of ache. He took his pills and looked in his bathroom mirror. If only he had the courage to ask Newton...to say something, anything to indicate his feelings. For now, just sitting next to him in the meeting would have to be comfort enough. He sat as close as he dared just to feel Newton's body heat.


	8. Rub Me Down Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton feels awkward about accidentally bumping into Hermann's leg and then wishes he could rub his temples because the caffeine-enhanced stress headache is killing him. (Continuation of chapter seven's setting.)

Unlike Hermann, Newton was not a big fan of meetings, especially all-day meetings. He was agitated to begin with, and then he accidentally knocked his leg into Hermann’s. It had been no big deal, or at least, he pretended it wasn’t. Yet, to make matters worse (in his own mind at any rate), he’d patted Hermann’s leg like he did it all the time. It was just that Hermann looked like he was in pain and Newton felt sorry for him. He didn’t even think about the pat, it just happened. Newt started to panic internally.

_I’ve never touched his thigh before! Holy shit! What the fuck did I just do? Look at him! He’s just sitting there with a blank expression on his face. Didn’t even phase him that I crossed a boundary. He probably thinks, ‘crazy Geiszler, always being inappropriate’ and being totally disgusted that I touch him at all. Great, now I’m getting a headache. It’s all his fault. And mine. Shouldn’t have had that fourth cup of coffee. Shit. God, if only he could massage my temples for me..._

“Herms,” Newton said softly as he leaned to the left.

"Yes love, what is it?" Hermann whispered back, concentrating on the meeting at hand.  _Oh man, that’s hot. I wish he could call me that all the time._

"I've got a headache, could you massage my temples when the meeting breaks?"

"Certainly," Hermann said, resting a hand on Newton's thigh. His touch was tender and familiar. Most people got up and walked around when the meeting broke. When everyone had left, Hermann grabbed Newton’s chair, pulling him backward. Newton melted into the tender feeling of Hermann’s long, thin, beautiful, strong _wow yeah really strong,_ fingertips massaging his temples.

“ _Ah, Hermann_ that feels so damn good,” Newton said, grinning a little and closing his eyes. 

“Try to relax, darling,” Hermann said soothingly. “Let me guess, you’re had three cups of coffee today, haven’t you?”

“Four.” Hermann pressed extra hard.

“Oh, I do beg your pardon, four.” Newton was beginning to get lost in Hermann’s touches: the tight little circles, the way he alternated his movements so Newton’s head itself would move in a lazy circle, when he would push very hard and then ease the pressure, giving Newton great satisfaction. 

"Is this helping at all?”

“Holy shit, yeah,” Newton said, letting himself get rather sleepy, sinking far back into the chair. Hermann kissed one of his temples and then the other. “Herms...”

“You’ve got to cut down on coffee,” Hermann said as he leaned forward to put his chin on Newton’s shoulder. He wrapped an arm around him and Newton held it to his chest. 

“I was really diggin’ that massage. Why’d you stop?”

“Because my hands are tired.” Newton stroked the hand around his chest and looked down at it.

“Are your hands insured?” Hermann chuckled.

“No, I shouldn’t think so.”

“Well, they should be. Aside from the work they do on that computer of yours, (you know, the one you save mankind with), your hands are just...beautiful,” he kissed it, “and dextrous,” he kissed it again, “and strong,” he finished, pressing Hermann’s hand to his lips. Hermann touched their cheeks together and hugged Newton a little tighter. Tendo opened the door. He nearly dropped his coffee. 

“Hey, whoops, I’ll come back later.”

“No, Mr. Choi, that’s quite unnecessary,” Hermann said with good humor, returning to his previous position. Newton straightened himself up and stretched before leaning his elbow into the massive table in front of him. Tendo sat down and eyed them over his mug. 

“Yeah, Tendo, I see that smirk.” They all laughed...

Newton looked at the actual Hermann after everyone had returned to the meeting. It was so hard to tell what Hermann was thinking. He looked and saw nothing but annoyance and discomfort. 

“You better now, buddy?” Newton asked him. Hermann nodded, not making eye contact. He didn’t see the broken look in Newton’s eyes. 

_Ugh! Why am I having romantic thoughts about the stupid sonofabitch? I just want him to see that I care. I’m not just his loud-mouthed lab partner. Does he even care about me or my work? Probably not. It’s all about him because no one hates his math and everyone hates the kaiju. But, then, why should he? I wish we could stop arguing for just a minute so he could see me. Just me. And I shouldn’t care about him because he thinks I’m a nutcase obsessed with the creatures that are destroying the earth. But I do. I do. I guess I do love him after all._

Newton rubbed his own head in frustration.

“Headache?”

“Yeah,” Newton said. He didn’t elaborate.  


	9. Lookin' Good, Feelin' Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann wears a different jacket. Newton notices, but not in the way he'd like him to.

"Morning Hermann," Newton said inattentively before actually looking at him and gesturing, "Oh hey, new jacket."

"My usual one's in the wash," Hermann replied as he entered the lab.

"You look nice," he said casually, returning to his work. Hermann stood still and gawked blankly.

"Thank you," Hermann said stiffly, before walking over to his vast chalkboards. He was a bit baffled at Newton's praise. He caught himself staring at his lab partner, trying to remember if Newton had ever complimented him on anything. Perhaps it was the familiarity of being stuck in the same work environment year after year with the same person. He looked down at his jacket. It was one of his nicer ones and fit him rather well. It was difficult to read Newton's offhand remarks. Perhaps it was just his way. But what if he was dressed so well as to receive a genuine compliment from Newton?  _I'd knock his bloody socks off._  Hair slicked back, a well tailored suit that hugged his body, maybe a splash of cologne.  _That'd show that Kaiju-covered ragamuffin punk! Maybe I'd walk into the lab…without my cane. No, no, that's never bothered him. I don't think he'd mind the cane…I'll give him that. It's part of me and I suppose he has always been respectful of it. So, I'd walk into the lab…_

"Wow, Hermann, you going on a date or something?" Newton's mouth was hanging open.

"No," Hermann said, nonchalant. He walked over to Newton as smoothly as he was able, keeping his eyes locked with Newton's. He advanced. Newton began to breath harder, his chest rising and falling, his eyes raking Hermann over. He took off his gloves and licked his lips in the manner he always did when nervous. Herman made his intentions clear. And it was his intention to reduce Newton to a love-struck, weak-kneed mess. He had succeeded. This was after all, a total fantasy.

"God, you look sexy," Newton said, his voice deeper and softer than usual. Hermann groaned internally.  _Yes, please, tell me I'm sexy. I'd give anything for him to tell me I'm sexy._  Hermann was very close to him now, practically touching him. He was in control, standing over him, making Newton beautifully nervous.

"Did you, ugh, dress this way for me?"

"Yes, I dressed this way for you, you ego maniac," Hermann said lustfully, throwing Newton's left arm over his right shoulder, dipping him into a kiss. He supported them both by relying mostly on his cane. Newton clung to him tightly.  _I'd kiss him until he couldn't breathe._  Hermann acted out that thought in his head with great enthusiasm, mapping Newton's mouth with his tongue until he heard him moan with pleasure...

"Oh, this is ridiculous!" Newton glanced up, something disgusting dripping from his hands.

"What is?"

"Oh nothing, just a hypothesis," Hermann said, shaking his head sadly.

 _A dip kiss? How juvenile, Dr. Gottlieb. How utterly laughable. How…romantic._  He sighed with a mixture of self-loathing and desperate longing.  _Bloody hell, I'm living in a nightmare. I must focus on my equations._  His chalk snapped out from under him and he threw the bit that was still in his hand as far across the room as he could possibly hurl it.

"The day's only just begun and the chalk flinging has already started," Newton said sarcastically, with half a grin on his face.

"Oh belt up, Geiszler." Newton laughed. Hermann grumbled under his breath. When Newton left the lab a few minutes later, Hermann clunked his head onto the chalkboard and closed his eyes.  _How am I ever going to put an end to this nonsense? This affliction is worse than a computer virus. Why should I fancy someone so unsuitable? Perhaps he isn't._


	10. Plotting a Sinusoid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton uses math and a good suit to woo Hermann.

If he admitted it, Newton would say that his appearance did matter to him. The tight jeans, the leather jacket, the tattoos. Newton deliberately tried to look the part of a rockstar, not the leading scientist in his field. And Hermann hated it. Could he help it if he looked liked a badass and not like a pensioner? He mused to himself about what Hermann's reaction would be if he wore what the mathematician called "normal adult clothes." He mocked him in his head.  _Bet he'd say something like 'ah, wearing decent clothing for once, I see, Geiszler.' Judgmental s.o.b. I should just show up wearing a kick-ass suit one day and make him totally speechless..._

Newton donned his crisp grey suit. It fit every curve of his body. The trousers hugged his thighs, showing off every muscle. He walked into the lab holding a red rose behind his back. Hermann was sitting at one of his many desks, reading a document with his librarian glasses on. He hardly registered that Newton was in the room at first and then looked up slowly.

"Newton, I have several questions about your data. When you have a moment could y–." Hermann took his glasses off and gawked shamelessly, his entire expression changing. "I say, where are you off to?" Hermann said, a hint of yearning in his brown eyes.

"Nowhere," Newton said, unable to fight a smirk, running a hand through his groomed hair, as he stepped up to Hermann.

"Newton, you look bloody gorgeous," Hermann said, his voice heavy with desire. His breathing became labored as he took in the sight of him. Newton leaned on the desk, standing unbearably close. He presented the rose to him, taking his time to explain. Hermann was puzzled but couldn't look away if he tried.

"You know, I was thinking... You're probably not a guy who digs nature at all, but I'm sure you appreciate the rhodonea curve."

"Certainly," was all Hermann could manage, looking at the man's lips. Newton inched closer to his mouth as he spoke.

"You're the type to enjoy plotting a curve or two, I know that." Hermann mouthed the word 'yes' but no sound came out.

"If k is an integer," Newton said as he contemplated what angle to approach from, "the curve will be rose-shaped," he added, parting his lips and making Hermann do the same, "with 2k petals if k is even, and k petals if k is...odd." All the while, Hermann followed the path of his lips like a cat following the trail of toy that's dangled in front of it.

"If k is rational, then the curve is closed and has..."

"...finite length," Hermann finished. Newton wrapped his fingers around the back of Hermann's neck, their lips not a millimeter apart.

"Oh Newton, kiss me." Newton closed the gap, turning the kiss from soft to succulent to deeply sensual in seconds. He felt Hermann's arms wrap around him under his jacket and then one snake down to the back of his thigh. Newton devastated Hermann's mouth, kissed him mercilessly, let Hermann melt beneath him, and allowed their hands go wherever they wanted. Hermann whimpered with gratification...

"Oh my God, that's so dumb," Newton said, disgusted with himself.

"What is?" Hermann said with characteristic sulkiness.

"Probably the most stupid thing I've ever dreamed up."

"Trying to set the bar even higher?"

"Yeah, yeah," Newton waved him off.

_How did I ever become such a sap?! What a moron. He's like fuckin' Spock. He doesn't care about emotions or flowers or sentiment. If I ever tried to kiss him he'd slap me right across the mouth. And the usual romantic stuff would never work. Oh sure, he'd really dig my generic, Wikipedia-fueled math research. What a turn on. 'Oh Newton, you know what an integer is, please French me.' I am a pathetic piece of Kaiju excrement with less street value._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I resorted...](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rose_%28mathematics%29)  
>  [EDIT: [hannister made a super adorable fan art for this chapter](http://hannister.tumblr.com/post/103911564164/for-the-wonderful-missanthropicprinciple-and-their)!!!!!] LOOK:


	11. Wake Up Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann has a nightmare and wishes Newton could comfort him.

Hermann woke up in a cold sweat. The sheets were twisted around him and he felt terribly disoriented. His brow was crinkled even before he opened his eyes. One word was on his lips.

_Newton._

He felt a lot of things as he came to: sadness, anger, confusion, fear. A hideous dream filled his brain and for half a second he believed it to be true. He gripped the sheets. Emotion welled up inside him. He was very alone. If only Newton was there to comfort him...

“Newton, don’t leave me,” Hermann said, slurred, still half unconscious. _I don’t want to fight this war alone. I need him by my side._ Newton woke up, startled by Hermann’s trembling, distressed, voice. He shook him gently as he began to open his eyes.

“Hermann,” he said while the man was still talking incoherently. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here ok. What’s wrong?”

“Terrible dream,” Hermann said, just realizing where he was, licking his dry lips, “Nightmare.”

“What was it about?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Hermann said, shaking his head like a grumpy child as he pressed his face to Newton’s chest. He cried softly, the noise muffled by Newton’s rock t-shirt. Newton gripped Hermann’s arms.

“Come on. Tell me. Get it out of your head.”

“You…” Hermann struggled, “You were on your…dissection table. All…cut up and…entrails…”

“OK OK, it’s OK. I’m here and I’m whole and all in once piece. Look. See? I’m totally fine. You’ve been watching me cut things up for too long.”

“Please don’t say cut.”

“OK, I’m sorry. It’s OK now. It was just a nightmare.” Newton wrapped his arms tightly around Hermann’s back. He kissed his hair. Hermann settled into his embrace...

But Newton was not in bed with him. Hermann wiped his groggy face. There were real tears there. _This is a biological reaction. It must be. This attraction. These feelings. These thoughts. For once in my life I don’t understand something. It is not a mathematical conundrum I can solve with logic. Newton himself could explain why I have these feelings. There is no logical reason, no mathematical formula to explain this...wanting, needing to be near him. And I can’t even ask him why._


	12. Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton has a nightmare and wonders why he cares so much.

It wasn’t like Newton didn’t wake with a start every once in a while. He had a severely stressful lifestyle and was a heavy dreamer. But this particular dream was a fucking nightmare on wheels. A nightmare that made him feel, even just for a second, that his life was over and worthless and terrifying. He needed to hold Hermann close but he couldn’t…

“No, please no, not Hermann,” he slurred. Hermann stirred and then was suddenly wide awake. He turned to Newton who was just coming to.

“Newton. Newton, love. Wake up. You’re having a bad dream,” Hermann said, rocking him slightly. Newton wiped tears from his eyes before he even opened them. He cleared his throat. “What happened?” Hermann pressed.

“You…” Newton could barely articulate yet. Hermann wiped the sweaty hair off the man’s face, distressed by Newton’s state. “You fell off your ladder. I…I found you on the floor. There was blood… Under your hair. A lot of blood... I was too late Herms, I was too late.”

“Shh shh. It’s alright. I’m here. I’m not hurt,” Hermann said as he held Newton’s face in his hands before reaching his arms around him. Newton gripped him hard, not allowing a single millimeter of space between them. Hermann held him tightly and rubbed his hands up and down between Newton’s shoulder blades…

Newton exhaled all the air out of his lungs in one great puff. He swore against the damp pillow. _I’d give pretty much anything for him to do that._ He groaned. _What would I ever do if he wasn’t here? What if he moved away? What if he wanted to work somewhere else because I annoy him so goddamn much? Lucky for me he can’t go anywhere but Shatterdome because we need him here. But what if he died? What the fuck would I do? I mean, I shouldn’t even care about him. He insults me all the time and I’m not always nice to him. If I ever told him the way I feel, he’d probably want a full explanation for why I’m attracted to him. What do I blame it on? Psychology, body language, the sound of his voice, chemical reaction? It’s this huge complex web of reasons. Maybe we’re genetically compatible. “Hey Dr. G., mind if I get a buccal swab sample so I can run your genetic code through my computer? Please feel free to interpret that as a double entendre.” Or better yet, “Hey, I’m psychologically aroused by you_.” He sighed again. 

Newton’s sheets were all over the place and the pillow was wet from tears. Newton flipped over and dropped his head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t think I could live without that miserable bastard now,” he said out loud. 


	13. Not in Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann takes a trip down hate-sex lane.

It was one of those days when Newton would. Not. Shut. Up. Hermann spent most of the elevator trip wondering what in God’s name would cease his incessant chattering. _It would have to be something over the top. Something shocking. Something drastic. Something...sexual..._

Hermann pretended they were in the elevator alone together, the elevator jammed for some reason ( _Newton’s overload of kaiju remains no doubt slowly damaging the system_ ), Newton still yammering on about his latest kaiju theory as they waited. He had reached shrill tones by now and didn’t even stop for breath. Hermann imagined himself uncharacteristically fierce, violent. He took Newton by the shoulders as roughly as he possibly could, crushing the man’s lips under his, ruthlessly forcing him to open wide, licking all along the inside of Newton’s top lip in one slow glide, anger in the sound of his ragged breath. 

“That was a pretty filthy kiss, Hermann,” Newt said, completely breathless in Hermann’s clutches, the man’s cane pressing deep into his upper arm. Hermann was staring at him hungrily, his mouth half open, his teeth exposed. Newton had barely gotten the words out before Hermann was back on him with even greater force. He started to give in to Hermann’s attack of lust. He moaned and gripped him back. Pressing all his weight into Newton, Hermann didn’t stop even after he felt the man collide with a large tank full of kaiju remains. Newton grunted. 

“Turn around,” Hermann growled. He gripped him, digging his fingers in until he was sure it could hurt him.  

“What are you gonna do?” Newton said, his browed creased with worry.

“Shut up and do as I say,” snarled.

“Fuck,” Newton whispered as he complied with Hermann’s order. Hermann dropped his cane, grabbed Newton’s wrists and pressed his hands flat against the elliptic cylinder so that he was bent over. Hermann gripped his hips and ground into him, making sure Newton could feel his now prominent bulge. 

“Oh man,” Newton sighed, eyelids fluttering half-shut. Hermann leaned forward, kissing the back of his neck.  

“Do I have your permission to fuck you?” Hermann whispered roughly in his ear. 

“Yeah,” Newton breathed, a wisp of sound rather than a word. Hermann reached around to unzip Newton’s tight jeans. Newton thunked his head onto the glass in front of him, his breath fogging up the glass. Soon his pants were down to his knees and Hermann reached into his jacket pocket to pull out a travel-sized bottle of lubricant. He applied it to his fingers, without bothering to warm it up, and began to massage his entrance.

“Ha,” Newton chuckled nervously, “You’re so well prepared you brought lube with you in case you wanted to hate-fuck me?”

“Be quiet, you insolent bastard.” Hermann was far from gentle. He had one finger inside him quicker than he should have. Newton made a sound as if he was in pain. 

“A little slower, Herms, please,” Newton said desperately, his breath catching in a warning sort of way. Hermann lowered his speed slightly, though still forceful. And then, something hit him. He felt a sort of twinge...a feeling of not wanting to hurt him. He felt...caring. This only made him more angry. His mind-self started to add another digit. Newton moaned. Hermann twisted his fingers and Newton called out.

“Have I reached the correct spot?”

“You fuckin’ know you did.” After a minute or so of prodding and loosening, Hermann rolled on a condom, slicked himself with lube and lined himself up.

“C-can you touch me?” Newton was sounding rather pathetic by now.

“I’m the one in charge here,” Hermann said deeply. He pushed his throbbing head in, a soft moan escaping his lips. He couldn’t help but rub his hands up and down Newton’s torso under his leather jacket. _I must at least admit to myself that I’ve always fancied him in that leather jacket._ He leaned forward, resting his body weight on Newt. The smell of the leather, damp from rain, seemed to hang about his face. He inhaled deeply before thrusting into Newton to the hilt. This produced strangled groans from them both. Hermann steadied himself before he started to grind, not wanting to pull out just yet. But then he realized that most of hate-sex (from what he had heard about it) was energy and violence, so he pulled out and plunged himself back in. Newton exhaled every time he did this, as if he was holding his breath and Hermann’s thrusts were the only thing to release the air from his lungs.

“Please,” Newton begged, “touch me.”

“Again,” Hermann whispered gruffly, licking behind his ear.

“Please.” Hermann slipped out half way and thrust back in. Then he reached for Newton’s engorged member, the pre-cum slicking his finger tips. Hermann rucked his hips involuntarily and he was compelled to move faster. He leaned on Newton to take most of the weight of his legs and tried to pump him in time with his thrusts. Once, twice, the tank was pushed back toward the wall a couple inches. Newton tried to speak. 

“Hermann,” he puffed, “we're gonna damage the tank.”

“You know as well as I do, that thing is stronger than both of us.” Hermann panted. “Worried about your precious kaiju samples, are we?” he added with a ruthless thrust.

“Oh God, I...” Newton was having trouble speaking. He looked down to see Hermann’s hand working him and almost laughed. “Lucky the elevator jammed to give us time for this.”

“It’s your damned specimens. There are too many. They’re too heavy. You’re... _oh..._ wearing out this elevator.”

“I’m d-disappointed,” Newton said, shutting his eyes tightly, “I thought you were gonna swear at me again.”

“I must have been dis-tracted.” Hermann felt himself getting close but was determined to make Newton be the first to break. “Very well,” he added, thrusting hard and quick with every word, “you irresponsible, slap-dash, ridiculous, stupid, bloody...bastard.”

“Hermann, I’m, I’m gonna...gonna...” The feeling of Newton tightening and jerking before he spilt onto the floor in several bursts and calling out with pleasure was too much and he came about four seconds later, bucking frantically. _Oh Newton._

_“_ What are we gonna say about the mess?” Newton said, turning to the man who was draped over him. Hermann bit Newton’s neck. 

“We’ll just say we had a little accident.” _..._

The elevator came to a stop. So did Newton’s talking. (At least, mostly.) Some of the loading crew helped them with the cart-loads and water tanks. After the specimens had been loaded into the lab, Newton turned to Hermann. Despite the incessant dialog, this was a day they were getting along.

“Well, I’m gonna go grab something to eat. You want anything, Hermann? Bagel? Coffee?”

“A coffee would be nice for a change, thank you Newton. And make sure...”

“Yeah, I know how you like it,” Newton said, waving him off. “You guys ok with the rest of this stuff?” he added to the loading crew. When they assured him, he walked out of the lab, excited for a day’s work on dead hunks of kaiju. 

“Man, he is really hyperactive,” one of the crew said, meaning it to be derogatory. Hermann was watching the door of the lab even though Newt had already gone and interpreted the person’s remark in a more positive light. 

“Yes, his energy is rather...intoxicating.”

_Yes, it certainly is intoxicating. He...is intoxicating. Newton is...Newton and I are suited to each other. Aside from his ridiculous behavior and ghastly habits, he really is...rather nice. This anger I have toward him isn’t anger at all really. It’s...I don’t know what it is. The fantasy certainly wasn’t fueled by anger. More like frustration. It could never be ‘just sex’ with this man; we’re connected in too many other ways. He’s not just a man, a person, a scientist. He’s Newton._

 


	14. Wrong Methods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton takes a trip down hate-sex lane.

Newton was scouring and disinfecting his dissection table as he listened to Hermann ranting about being unprofessional in front of Stacker Pentecost. 

“How many times must I remind you that the Marshal is a professional man and he does not want to hear about your fanciful theories without a modicum of data to support your hypotheses.” 

“Are you finished ripping me apart yet? You want to leave me with a shred of dignity?” 

“I’m simply saying that you should present your ideas in the context of actual facts and not just emotional conjecture.” Newton sighed and shut his eyes, trying his hardest not to walk over to Hermann’s desk and punch him in the face. What made that impulse all the more complicated was the fact that Hermann had made an extra effort on his appearance today. His dumb haircut was a little more groomed, his jacket crisper, his trousers had clearly been ironed, and his sweater vest was remarkably un-old-mannish. _Yeah, we all know who’s the put-together one around this lab. Asshole. Gotta correct me in front of Pentecost, gotta deride my enthusiasm. Now you’re gonna outshine me in the clothes department too? Fine. I know what I’d like to do right now. I’d like to..._

Newton turned around and stormed at Hermann who didn’t look up until the man was uncomfortably close. He was taken aback, with a half-worried look in hie eyes.   

“Can you stop acting so fucking superior for five minutes?!” 

“I beg your pardon?” Hermann said, not taking his glasses off.

“Does it make you feel good about yourself to think you’re better than me, huh?” Newton grabbed him by the lapels and wrenched Hermann forward.  

“Newton, what are you doing?” Hermann said timidly, not trying very hard to fight the man’s advances. They stared at each other’s lips for a microsecond. Newton smashed their mouths together. Their teeth clashed for a moment and then Newton started to French him. Hermann moaned responsively as Newton’s tongue mingled with his own. _I’d suck the insults right out of his mouth._ They parted, still breathing each other’s air. 

“What is your intention?” Hermann asked, his mouth open like an open wound, breathing shallow. 

“I’m gonna fuck you over my dissection table.” 

“You wouldn’t dare,” Hermann said, sounding defiant but not entirely convincing.  

“Oh yes I fuckin’ well would,” Newton snapped. Hermann started to pant, the arrogance draining from his face. Newton let go of the mathematician’s collar in favor of gripping him by the ass and grinding into him. Hermann groaned involuntarily. 

“Not just me then, huh?” Newton said, grinning wolfishly, mashing his own bulge against Hermann’s tenting trousers. He grabbed his arm and yanked him over to the table. Hermann didn’t resist, not even when Newton forced him to bend over it. Newt pressed into him and ran his hands up his sides before nosing up the back of his neck. Hermann shivered. 

“I’m gonna cut you down to size,” Newton said ferociously. He bit into his neck. Hard. Hermann reached back to pull him closer 

“Does that mean you want it?”

“Y-yes, yes it does.” Newton pulled away and Hermann made a noise like a whimper. 

“Stay here. I’ve gotta get paraphernalia.” He dug his nails into Hermann’s ass and walked away. He fumbled in a drawer and threw what he retrieved onto the clean dissection table with a clatter that made Hermann jump. Soon Hermann’s pants were down to the floor, and Newt’s flies were wide open. Newton took him by one of his wrists, slapping his hand onto the cold metal surface. 

“M-my cane, Newton,” he said after he dropped it in shock.

“I’m not gonna let you fall,” Newton said sincerely, a little more softly than he intended. _Christ, I can’t even think about hate-fucking him without adding all this caring crap. But, God damn it, I do care._ He kissed him behind his ear. Hermann arched his back.

“Well, your caring certainly is a redeeming quality, if nothing else,” Hermann said, his cutting words made almost redundant by his ragged breath.

“You arrogant prick. Who do you think you are?”  

“The man you want to shag on your primary workspace.” 

“Just pass me the lube and shut up,” Newton said savagely as he took the tube. Moments later, Hermann positively melted as he felt one of Newton’s slicked up fingers slid down his crack and crooked into his entrance. The sounds Hermann made had the same effect on Newton. He tried to manipulate him ruthlessly, but he couldn’t seem to manage it. One finger, then two, both of them gasping, moaning as he slid his digits in and out. 

“You still using your fingers, or have you changed implements without my noticing?”

“Fuck you, pal.” Newton jabbed his prostate before removing his fingers. Hermann grunted with discomfort. Spurred on my his anger at Hermann’s imaginary insult, he applied the condom and lubricant and gave the man no warning before he roughly gripped his hips and forced himself halfway in. Hermann whimpered. _Oh shit, maybe I’d hurt him like this. I’m not totally sure what his physical limitations are._

“Impatient, as always...”

“You stuck up son of a...” Newton thrust in to the hilt and dug his fingers into his back.

“Running out of insults are we, Dr. Geiszler?” Hermann threw at him, though his eyelids were drooping with pleasure. Newton didn’t even answer; he plunged into him repeatedly, harder, faster. Hermann was clinging to the metal surface, his knuckles white. 

“Think... _uh_...you can manage t-to touch my prick as well, or... _oh!_...are you too selfish for that?” Again, Newton said nothing, but reached down to seize Hermann’s leaking cock. Their repeated moans became more desperate. 

“I’m surprised...by your considerable...multitasking...skills,” Hermann said, after a solid two minutes of writhing and pounding. Newton wanted to come back with a nasty response but his fogged up brain wouldn’t let him. He started to buck frantically. _Shit, do I get off on that whole arrogant routine of his?_

“N-newton, I do believe I’m about to ejaculate.” Newton would have laughed if it wasn’t so _damn cute._ Hermann called out and Newton came immediately after, throwing his head back, his hips nearly still through his own release. _I’d make him mop it up,_ he thought as he wrapped his arms around Hermann and breathed in his ear.

“You ok, Hermann?” Newton mentally slapped himself. _Why the hell would I ask him that? ‘You ok?’ is not something you should say immediately before, during, or immediately after hate sex._  

“Yes, very well, thank you,” Hermann said with unexpected tenderness. “But you’ve rumpled my clothes.”

“Good,” Newton said into his neck...

_Did I just fail at hate sex in my own head? I want to cold-cock him sometimes but when it comes to actually being violent during sex I just can’t. I can’t even have a normal sexual fantasy without bringing him into it at all now. But that’s the reason I was fantasizing in the first place. It’s not just a human being to have sex with, it’s Hermann. It’s him._

“You know,” Newton said a few minutes too late, “My emotional conjecture has gotten me some pretty great results, Hermann.”

“Yes, I’m aware of that,” he conceded. 

“So can we just drop it now?” 

“Certainly.” Newton looked up to see Hermann staring at him before hastily turning back to his chalkboards. 


	15. Touched

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann wants to be touched.

Hermann was beginning to feel inhuman, as if he wasn't there. Staring at his chalkboards for years on end, thinking about nothing but saving the world by predicting impending destruction. It felt like a losing battle, so he had gotten used to being numb. He learned to just shut out his pain, his loneliness. But now he had to admit it, after working with Newton all this time, shutting down was no longer an adequate solution. Newton constantly reminded him that he was alive just by being present. (He certainly reminded him that kaiju were alive with their viscera all over the place.  _Blast him!_ ) With that level of energy around it was difficult not to feel alive oneself, or, in Hermann's case, knowing how much he had learned not to feel. What would it take to make him feel real and alive? Touch. Warm, strong hands. There were places all over him that ached to be touched, fondled, caressed, cherished. Intense feelings were washing over him. He admitted it to himself. He desired to be touched by Newton...

Hermann heard Newton clear his throat significantly as he walked over to him. "Uh, Hermann, are you busy?"

"No," Hermann said, gloomily. Newton came up to him and took his hand. He stared into his eyes. There was a softness there. "What?" he asked quietly, though Newton's look told all. Newton kissed Hermann's hand and then looked up at him again.

"Can I touch you?"

"Where?" Hermann looked undecided. His heart was pounding, but his face was unmoving.

"Your ass, maybe?" Newton, the ghost of a smile on his lips. Hermann hesitated. Wanting. Fearing. Uncertain.

"Please." Newton gently rested his hands on him, reaching around to Hermann's backside. Newton caressed downward, just firmly enough to be comforting and lightly enough to be sensual. Even through his trousers Hermann could feel Newton's strong fingers spread out and explore, moving even farther downward.

"Where else do you want me to touch you?"

"My back," he dared to say, "b-between my shoulder blades." Newton slipped behind him without a word. He imagined,  _felt_ , Newton's hands move up his torso and up his back where he had requested. Newton's warmth was seeping through his jacket. He felt and even heard a muffled kiss in the middle of his back.

"Where now?"

"Chest," Hermann said, a mixture between monotone and longing. Newton reached in front of him, face still in his back. Hermann closed his eyes as he felt a hand press down over his heart. Newton gently rub his torso with both hands. Hermann's lungs pumped slowly, rhythmically under Newton's caresses.

"Where next?"

"Hips, please." Hermann felt Newton's hands descend to his trousers, thumbs pressing into the pelvic bones, fingers pressing into the sides of his hips. He felt as though he was sinking into a plush easy chair at the end of a long day.

"Touch my...my thighs, Newton." Soon, fingers were working softly into the tense muscles. Newton's thumbs were inching dangerously close to the inside of Hermann's legs.

"Neck," he breathed. Newton returned to Hermann's front, reaching up to him and bringing his neck down to meet his lips. At first, he let Newton brush his lips over his skin, and then start to kiss and suck. Hermann exhaled. He parted them suddenly and looked down at Newton, abashed, awkward. He looked away. Newton took his face in his hands.

"You don't have to be embarrassed about wanting me to touch you."

"Don't I?"...

"Hey! Hermann. You totally stopped moving, you ok dude?"

"I'm thinking," he replied through gritted teeth. "Just because I stopped moving does not mean I am not working, unlike you." Hermann shut his eyes, realizing what he'd just said.

"Ok, fine, last time I check on you, dude," Newton said, wounded and angry, as he walked away.

_Oh God! Why did I say that? Why did I have to insult him? He was only trying to be considerate._

Hermann thrust a hand into his pocket and walked over to him. Newton was at his desk, entering his recent findings into his computer, seeing him peripherally but not moving his head.

"I'm sorry Newton," Hermann said, "I'm just having a rotten day, that's all."

"We seem to be having a lot of those lately," Newton said solemnly.

"Yes, I know," Hermann said as he began to turn around. He caught Newton's eye. The man gave him a nod of acknowledgement. Back at his chalkboards, Hermann sighed, rubbing his forehead.  _There has to be a way to control these feelings._


	16. Needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton does not want to get out of bed.

Newton awoke, feeling deliciously comfortable. It always happened when he had an early meeting in the lab. He stretched and slithered his limbs around under the covers when he suddenly realized what was missing: another warm body to make the sensation even more languorous. He groaned sadly. He was alone in his bed. What if Hermann was in that bed with him? He could just feel it...

He would get up, as quietly as he could, to use the bathroom and then slip back under the sheets, warmed by Hermann's body. Newton watched the man sleep, breathing easy and and steady. His face was so peaceful and so very different from what it was during the day. He could watch him like this forever, but they'd both have to get up soon, so after a few minutes he pried himself out of the bliss.

"Come back to bed, Newton," Hermann pleaded softly, gripping at Newton, only his forearms emerging from the covers. "Don't go, not just yet." Newton let himself be pulled back under the weight of the blankets.

"Hey, somebody needs me," he could hear himself say as he entwined himself with Hermann. Hermann had a morning glory too. They kissed the kisses of lucid dreams, the kisses that were more breath and moisture than lips. Still lost in a sleepy haze, they writhed together, pressed hardness against hardness, minds slipping into the abyss. The side by side frottage lasted until they dozed off, all warm and safe, and half turned-on. Too sleepy even for lazy sex...

Newton had a leg crooked over the bed as if he were trying to draw him closer, draw a man closer who wasn't even there, caressing and fondled the cool mattress beneath him as if it were Hermann's flat chest, gripping the side of the bed, slowly grinding into it. A banging on the door jolted him up off the bed.

_"Ah!"_

"Newton! Newton! Would you wake up, we have an important meeting in an hour and I need to discuss my findings with you!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there." He heard Hermann grumble as he clunked down the hall. Newton rubbed his face and shook his head. He did not make an effort to dress properly or even shave and prepared himself for Hermann's disparaging comments.

"I know, I know, I look like hell."

"What have you been doing to yourself?"

" _I_  haven't been doing anything."  _Barring fantasizing about a mathematician who probably hates my guts and will never want to bang me, yeah._

"Let's get going, shall we?"

"My thoughts exactly."


	17. Can't Stop, Won't Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann looks at Newton’s lips.

Newton and Hermann were sitting at the latter's desk, reviewing a joint report to Stacker Pentecost. This had become a usual procedure as the years went by and so they were practically on auto-pilot as they shuffled papers back and forth, making sure their data was in agreement.

"Uh, Hermann," Newton began, "You're gonna have to put this paragraph in layman's terms. Pentecost isn't going to get this at all." Without a word, Hermann took the paper out of his hand and marked it up with one of his number 2 pencils. Newton licked his lips and continued to mark up his own part of the report. Hermann returned the paper and watched Newton as he concentrated.

"I was just thinking..."

"What is that, Newton?"

"You have to dumb down a lot of your feedback for the Marshal; don't you ever get sick of that?" Hermann took a deep breath and became thoughtful.

"Yes, I suppose I do. But then, I do have to translate it into practical use...what it means to the base, that is."

"True, true," Newton said, turning to the next page.

"Do you?"

"Yeah, sometimes, but I guess, because biology is less abstract than equations it's easier to translate. But I still have to cut out a lot of terminology, so that's kindofa drag." Newton continued to bite and lick his lips. Hermann watched, focusing on his lips, moist and flushed and parted.  _How I'd love to touch them, or have them touch me. Perhaps...no...I shouldn't think...bring me off in his mouth. No no, stop that at once, Gottlieb._  Nevertheless, that is what he continued to think...

Hermann Gottlieb, professor of Mathematics, somewhere renowned and prestigious. A man his own age walked into the classroom looking disheveled but strangely alluring.

"I believe you are in the wrong room." He looked down at the syllabus before him.

"Um, room 243, right? Statistics 103? Dr. Gottlieb?"

"That is correct. Forgive me, your age. I..."

"Oh, older than the average student," Newton waved it off and took a seat. "Yeah, well, I'm a professor myself, I just thought I'd get a class from you because I admire your work..."  _I can't imagine he'd be interested in my work. Then again, this is a fantasy._

"Your name?"

"Geiszler, Newt, Geiszler." They both sat down and the class continued.  _Perhaps my class would focus on open source statistical packaging in connection with translating computational statistics to the general public. At any rate, that's irrelevant to my fantasy._  After the class was over, Newton lingered. Hermann looked up with his eyes only. Newton sauntered over to him.

"I'm not here for just the class, you know."

"I don't understand you."

"Gonna play dumb, huh. The innocent professor and the student pushing the boundaries." Hermann inhaled. Newton dropped his pen with a delinquent gesture, keeping his eyes locked on Hermann's. He knelt on the floor in front of him but ignored the pen. Hermann's heart was pounding.

"Aren't you going to ask me what I'm doing down here?" Newton said quietly, stroking Hermann's thighs. He was wolfish and smirking. "Not even going to  _pretend_  to protest?"  _How could I ever protest to this?_

"No, I...I'm lost for words."

"I saw you looking at me Dr. Gottlieb," Newton said advancing, digging his fingers into Hermann's upper thighs. "I know you want me to suck you off." Hermann shut his eyes, putting a hand on one of Newton's. He felt Newton unzip his trousers. A moment later, Hermann's cock sprang out. Newton took the swollen head in his mouth and Hermann buckled like a card castle. As Newton swirled his tongue around the corona and danced on the slit, Hermann got the courage to look down at him. They locked eyes for a moment and then Hermann let his head drop back, completely giving himself away. Newton took more and more of him in, increasing the pressure, and Hermann mindlessly worked his fingers through Newt's hair as he began to moan.  _To have his plump lips enveloping my...oh heavens!_  Newton quickened his pace, hands firmly planted on Hermann's upper thighs. Then, he lifted a hand to cradle Hermann's balls. Hermann groaned and Newton sucked even harder.

"I'm getting rather close, Geiszler," he panted, lost in Newton's rhythmic ministrations.

" _Doctor_  Geiszler to you, dude," he said as Hermann gasped at the loss of pressure. Hermann guided him back, thrusting into his mouth. Newton took him all the way in and Hermann felt the hot breath from the man's nostrils in his thatch. Another minute of Newton's bobbing and Hermann was fit to burst.

"I must warn you, I-I'm about to come," Hermann puffed, leaning back, the chair creaking. Then Newton laughed around his dick and he came down the man's throat with a desperate cry. He looked down just in time to see Newton wipe his mouth and grin up at him.

"A+, right?"

"I knew you'd ruin this."...

"Ruin what?" Newt said, snapping his head up from his papers.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry, I was just thinking about an equation I wrote down incorrectly, but...on second thought, it actually is correct."

"You're probably second-guessing yourself because we've been going over this data for fuckin' days," Newton sighed.

"Yes, Newton, perhaps I am." Hermann slumped his shoulders and leaned on the desk.  _This fantasizing is all-consuming. Saturating every free thought. It's got to stop. Yet, at the same time, I don't want to stop. No, don't stop._


	18. Bedside Manner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton would love to be Hermann's doctor...and be on both sides of doctor-patient care.

"This isn't going to happen all the time," Hermann said as Newton helped him back to his room.

"No, I know."

"I do depend on myself."

"I know that, you always do. But I'm here whenever, dude."

"I appreciate that." Hermann let himself in and Newton managed to speak before Hermann closed the door.

"You gonna be ok?"

"Yes, thank you." Slam. Newton sighed.  _He'd been ok at the desk when they were going through their report and then after a couple minutes of convo he got a little flushed and said he needed to lie down. What the hell? I wonder what his doctor's like. I wish I could be his doctor. Now there's an idea..._

"Have a seat, Mr. Gottlieb," Newton said as he sat down himself. Hermann, wearing much nicer, sexier, more stylish clothing, sat down, still leaning on his cane in a casual manner. Newton, wearing a white coat and looking exceedingly well-groomed, became serious.

"I'm recommending you to another doctor." Hermann's face fell.  _Oh God, that is so sad, Jesus. Sad and adorable like a fricken puppy on your doorstep._

"But I want you! Ah, I mean. I'm happy with you as my doctor."

"That's wonderful, but um..."  _Oh my God, I'm even awkward in my fantasies._  "See, the thing is, I..."  _I can't even pretend to say it in my head to him, what the fuck._  "I...have feelings for you. And I can no longer be your doctor if I can't retain my professionalism when I'm distracted by my feelings." Hermann's expression changed slightly but Newton was unable to read it.

"Well, I must say, I'm rather disappointed," Hermann sighed, "but...on the other hand," he added, getting up, "that's far outweighed by the possibilities." Newton looked puzzled for a moment until Hermann rested his cane against the white surgery counter and descended, taking his face in his hands and kissing him. When Hermann pulled back they both stared, dumbfounded. But this didn't last long. Newton let his mouth be ravaged by Hermann. A moment later he felt a hand cup him. Newton pulled back, gasping.

"Not in the office," was all Newton could muster for a protest. Hermann was feeling the shape of him through his slacks. Newton shivered and his breathing became ragged.

"The office must be sterilized after every patient anyway," Hermann said, flicking open the top button of Newton's pants.

"You are gonna..."

"Suck you off?"

"Yeah," Newton said, watching Hermann's eyes glimmer dangerously, "But you shouldn't be kneeling."

"If you get up onto the examination table, I will be able to perform the service I offered while sitting."  _I have no idea how I would stand at this point._  Newton got up slowly and sat on the end of the exam table while Hermann rolled over in the chair. The latter returned to his task.

"This  _-oh-_  isn't really ethical," Newt said as his trousers were unzipped for him.

"I am officially no longer your patient," Hermann replied before mouthing Newt though his underwear. Newton moaned. Hermann slipped him out and took the tip of him between his parted lips.  _Those thin wide lips, holy shit._  Hermann held onto the doctor's knees.

"You must have had a tiring day, Dr. Geiszler. I'm sure you'd like to...release that tension." Newton moaned pathetically as Hermann took him inside his mouth again. Newt gripped the sides of the table and leaned back a bit, pushing himself into Hermann's open mouth as the man began to suck. His lips ran up and down his shaft with luxurious, calculated movement, like Hermann measured them.  _Bet he would too. Nerd. I wouldn't even know where I was after a few minutes of this._  Hermann took him all the way in until Newton felt himself meet the apex of the man's throat. Almost instantly, Newton reached forward and clutched Hermann by his hair. It was getting more and more difficult for him to think as his hard-on was painfully full and Hermann's lips, tongue, and throat were excruciatingly soft.

"Fair warning," Newton panted, "I'm gonna come...any second..." He came with a strangled shout and a groan from the back of his throat. He felt Hermann slip off of him. Hermann wiped his lips with his thumb, his deep brown eyes lustful.

"Well done."  _Well done? I bet he has a schoolteacher kink..._

"Newton, what are you still doing in the corridor?"

"Um, I, ah," Newton spluttered, "I was just. I was gonna check on you again and then I got to thinking about something and kinda spaced out."

"Yes, well," Hermann said skeptically, "I'm better now, just too much stress I imagine." Hermann walked away and Newton watched him, unable to reply, feeling more hopeless than ever.


	19. Strong-arm Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton injures his arm in an arm wrestling contest and Hermann wishes he could have participated.

"Well that wasn't a very smart thing to do, now was it?" Hermann said to Newton as he helped him to sit down after arm wrestling with Sasha Kaidonovsky.

"Ohmagod my deltoid is killin' me," Newton said, clutching his upper arm and sitting down across from Hermann.

"If you wanted to arm wrestle why didn't you just ask me?" Hermann said playfully.

"I didn't think you'd be into it." Hermann was clearly offended.

"And why would you think that?"

"I-I don't know I just thought - look, I just didn't think you we're into petty little tests of strength. I thought you were above all that having-to-prove-yourself crap."

"I could almost take that as a compliment, Dr. Geiszler."

"It was." Hermann almost smiled. "And can we dispense with the whole 'Dr.' and the 'last name' crap. It's Newt."

"Very well, Newton." Hermann got closer to an actual smile.

"Shit, I'm not going to get any work done today."

"You could help me with some paperwork, I suppose."

"Sure, pass me something." Hermann tried not to watch him so intently, but Newton was fascinating to observe.  _It would be interesting to arm wrestle with him. His arms look stronger than mine yet my muscle tone isn't all that bad. Perhaps I could even win..._

"Hey, Hermann, you wanna arm wrestle."

"I take it, you're bored."

"Yep. So what'd'ya say?" Hermann paused.

"Well, alright," he replied with mild enthusiasm as he pushed some notebooks off to the side. Newton rolled up his sleeves. Hermann did too. It was peculiar facing each other in such a way. A friendly competition.  _And physical contact._  Newton's arms, though, in Hermann's opinion, garishly decorated, were rather attractive. His hands were rough but somewhat soft and certainly gripped Hermann's slender, powerful fingers with great strength. It took all Hermann's self-control not to rub the side of Newt's hand affectionately with his thumb. But after they had settled into a comfortable position on the table, Newton asked him if he was ready and Hermann nodded.

"1...2...3...go!" Newton was very strong. But so was Hermann. Their forces were almost equal and they didn't waver more than a half an inch either way. They were both smiling faintly, locking eyes. Tension was building in Hermann's muscles and he fought to keep his upper arm close to his body but he was sensible of the fact that he may lose. Time for the dirty tactic of distraction.

"If I win," Hermann said, under considerably strain, "you have to kiss me." Newton was so shocked he let go, causing Hermann to fall forward onto the table from lack of obstacle.

"Oh Hermann, shit, I'm sorry, I just..." Newton rushed over to Hermann as he sat up.

"That's alright, it was my fault."

"You won," Newton said as he leaned closer.

"Not fairly. I was just seeing how you'd react."

"How's this for a reaction?" Newton kissed him full on the mouth. Hermann kissed him back as he threw his arms around his waist. Newt wrapped his arms around his neck. Air quickly became a precious commodity and they parted suddenly with a great noise of breathy suction.

"Wow," Newt said, in awe of them both...

"What are you smiling about?" Newton said, amused. "My injury?"

"Certainly not!" Hermann was affronted at Newton's assumption. "If you must know I was thinking about something...unrelated."

"Ok, dude. Must have been pretty good, your cheeks are red." Hermann glared at him and Newton returned to the notebook in front of him with a smirk.  _How in the world did I become so juvenile? Well, something else to blame Newton for. I can't imagine a simple test of strength without adding a sexual connotation to it. How many permutations of kissing and bedding this man can there possibly be? Infinite, quite possibly. And I can be certain he never gives me a thought._


	20. Kiss With a Fist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton wants to settle an argument with a good old-fashioned punch-up. Hermann is having none of it.

"We are men of science, Newton; we do not resort to physical violence to solve an argument. At least I don't." Their reasoned philosophical discussion was going nowhere. One of the things Newton admired and hated about Hermann in equal parts was his ability to control his emotions. He knew full well that Hermann sincerely wanted to deck him as much as he himself wanted to deck Hermann and so knowing the self control that must take on a daily basis made him positively infuriated.  _I guess I'll have to fantasize about punching him too..._

"How 'bout I punch you first," Newton replied.

"I doubt if it'd do much," Hermann said arrogantly.

"Ok," Newton said calmly with a smile. He locked eyes with Hermann with a loving smirk and planted a big fat kiss on his knuckles. Bam!

"Christ, that hurt!" Newton almost felt sorry for doing it. "That was a rather good right hook, Geiszler." Hermann put a hand up to his cheekbone.

"Come on," Newton said licking his lips, still smiling, "Your turn. Or are you going to work out an equation to get the best trajectory?" Pow! Hermann had braced himself on his cane with his right hand while Newton was talking and the second he shut his mouth, Hermann got him right in the kisser with a well aimed straight left.

"Holy shit! Ah!" Newton said from behind his hand. His hand came back with a spot of blood on it. His lip was shining and red. Hermann looked concerned for a nanosecond but changed back to his usual blank look. His eyes betrayed him a little and so Newton's next punch was a little less vicious. He got him in the mouth with a strong jab. Hermann swore. His mouth was bleeding too. Newton wanted to wipe it away but before he had a chance to think about it Hermann struck him again. Newton stumbled backward, holding his jaw.

"Holy shit was that a backfist?"

"I believe so. … Um, perhaps we should stop." Hermann was almost out of breath.

"Yeah yeah, that's fine. I think we proved my point." Newton looked up to see Hermann wipe his mouth and he walked over to him with a hankie to take care of it, to make amends.

"Newton, there really is no need." But Newt didn't listen, as usual, and ushered him into a chair and soaked up the blood with the white cloth.

"Newton, why did you kiss your fist before you punched me?"

"Because I should have done this." Newton kissed him on his flushed lips. Before Hermann could do anything about it, Newton kissed his reddened cheekbone that would start to bruise. Hermann wasted no time in reciprocation, pulled Newt closer by his waist and kissed his jaw tenderly. Newton straddled the man's lap, letting Hermann indemnify with his own wounded lips. When they dared to look at one another again, Newton brushed the disheveled strands of hair off Hermann's face. Again, their lips met; the hint of Newton's blood still lingered. The violence now subsided, their kissing was luxurious and gentle. They parted, satisfied.

"Perhaps anger hasn't been the problem with us after all," Hermann said, caressing Newton's back.  _Oh my God, that's it. The anger isn't the problem, it's what's causing the anger. I probably wouldn't get so pissed off at him if I didn't have feelings for him..._

"I mean," Hermann said after Newton's extraordinarily long pause, "the last thing you and I need is to settle a conflict with physical contact."  _Holy hell, dude, think about what you just said._  "We should be taking out all our frustrations in a disciplined way," Hermann added, "With...debate...and intellect..."  _And sex. Lots of sex. Making out for like an hour and then sex. You want physical contact. I'll give you physical contact. You won't have the energy to punch me even if you wanted to._


	21. Agent Gottlieb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann fancies James-Bond-levels of praise and sexuality.

One day Stacker brought in several diplomats and scientists into the lab to hear Hermann's latest diatribe on his theories. Newton eyed it all from across the lab, feeling a little left out, occasionally looking at Hermann. Though he was occupied with explaining his material, this did not fail to escape his notice.  _Is he jealous of the attention I'm receiving for my work? Unbelievable. My work is important, certainly, and I am predicting the attacks and he is studying the kaiiju to get a better understanding of the beasts, therefore my work is more timely, but he shouldn't look quite so wounded. It's not as if I was James bloody Bond. Oh dear, oh no, not now. I must repress this fantasy for the moment._  After Stacker and his entourage had left, Hermann looked across at Newton...

Hermann walked into the lab, dressed to kill. He and Newton exchanged flirtatious glances. As he approached, Newton leaned against the desk. Hermann stroked his cheek in a familiar fashion.

"Where have  _you_  been, agent Gottlieb?" Newton cooed.

"At another conference," Hermann said, trailing his hand down Newton's neck.

"Any gunfire?"

"Nothing I couldn't handle," Hermann said, lightly pressing his hips into Newton's.

"The Marshal wants to talk to you."

"Oh?" Hermann slid a hand down Newton's waist.

"He wants your latest data." Newton smiled.

"Is that so?" Newton handed him a flashdrive. Hermann raised an eyebrow.

"I took the liberty, as you yourself would say," Newton said, poking fun at Hermann's formal demeanor.

"What would I ever do without you?" Hermann mused as he rested his hands on Newt's hips, kissing his neck softly.

"As far as I can remember, Hermann, you've never had me." Newton smirked, keeping his hands firmly planted on the desk behind him.

"Hope springs eternal."

"You know, ripping off lines from  _Goldeneye_  isn't the best way to seduce me."

"Seems to be working so far."

"You know, Hermann, Bond and Moneypenny didn't actually have sex they just  _almost_  did a few times."

"Perhaps we can reverse that trend," Hermann said deeply, pressing Newton backward so the man had to move his arms farther back on the desk to support himself. Hermann ripped Newton's shirt open wide.

"Jesus, you like it rough, don't you? I never would have guessed," Newton laughed nervously as Hermann spread his hands over his tattooed chest, kissing his sternum. He was tender and yet unforgiving. "This isn't exactly office-friendly behavior, agent Gottlieb."

"Shut up and kiss me."...

"You ok, dude? You're panting," Newton said, approaching him with caution.

"I've been standing too long."

"Just go sit down. I'll get you a glass of water," Newton said. "Hard to believe math got you all worked up," he added. Hermann sat down as instructed.

"I can assure you, Newton, that math has never had such an effect on me." Hermann put his head in his hands.  _Damn! He's got me resorting to daydreaming about a heteronormative masculine stereotype from a popular film now. Where will this end?_


	22. Jaeger Pilot Newt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton wishes he could be a Jaeger Pilot with Hermann on his arm.

Newton and Hermann watched Chuck Hansen brag on tv when a reporter stopped him for an interview after he and his father returned from a successful mission.

"Pompous berk," Hermann said, "Is there any sense in him being that conceited?"

"Yeah, shut the hell up, Chuck. We know you blast kaiju for a living." After the interview came to a close, they both went off to their respective ends of the lab. Newton thought that, aside from killing the kaiju, he'd love to have the mystique and street cred of a Jaeger pilot.  _Maybe I could find a way to be a Jaeger pilot and just sort of send them back into the ocean. I mean, that's kindof stupid, but it would be pretty cool..._

A reporter stopped him in the cheering crowd and thrust a mic in his face. Newton, looking damn hot in a Jaeger suit, brushed his sweaty hair off his face, sexily.

"Well, we drove another one back to the depths. I think they're getting the message."

"Mr. Geiszler, how  _are_  you so successful?"

"Well, I couldn't do it without my co-pilot, Mako Mori," Newton said modestly, patting her on the back, "She's the one who makes our missions a success." Mako beamed respectfully, looking strong and beautiful. Both were in the full flush of glory.

"It was a team effort," Mako said honestly.

"And don't forget, my boyfriend, the genius mathematician, Dr. Hermann Gottlieb." Hermann stood off to the side, waiting to talk to his boyfriend. Hermann looked exceedingly stylish, tall and slim, leaning on a solid gold cane, with his shirt open revealing an inverted triangle of soft, smooth chest.

"Isn't he gorgeous?" Newton held the taller man around the waist and kissed him sensuously on the lips. "He's like a super model. Plus he codes Jaegers."

"Well done, darling," Hermann said, congratulating his partner.  _Darling? Holy shit, I have gotta stop doing this. Now I'm even embarrassing myself._  Newton mugged for the camera.

"Saving the world, one Kaiju at a time." _Ok, that's it, this is ridiculous. Do I really want to impress him that much? Really?..._

Newton was frustrated with himself and tossed a pen across his desk.

"I wonder what it must feel like to be a Jaeger Pilot?" Hermann said out of the blue.

"Like being a rock star, I guess. Lots of attention, recognition, fame."

"I suppose, but I meant, piloting the thing, killing massive creatures, joining brains with someone...?" Hermann was almost dreamy about it. Newton stared at him, his own face serious.

"Must be pretty powerful," Newton said blankly, sadly, lost in gawking at the mathematician on the ladder. Hermann humfed in reply and returned to his boards. Newton suddenly felt rather depressed. He did feel something very powerful. But it was something that he most probably wouldn't be able to share with the object of his affections.  _Maybe I'm scared of that power. But I'd sure as hell like to give it a shot. If he'd let me._


	23. Tipsy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton comes back from his day off a little tipsy, and Hermann wonders if he could take care of him in a drunken state.

"Newton, are you drunk?" Hermann asked cautiously, raising an eyebrow as Newton ambled into the lab on night. It had been his day off.

"Nope, just tipsy," Newton said, dropping some change on his desk.

"Perhaps I should help you back to your room."

"You? Help me? Fuck that. You don't ever want my help."

"That's quite different."

"Whatever. See you in the morning, nerd." Newton headed off to his quarters and Hermann heard him slam the door. Hermann was rather hurt by Newton's offhand remarks but took into account that the alcohol was bringing out his resentment. Hermann thought to himself, regardless of Newton's present attitude, that he could help him to get into bed and take care of him if he was drunk.  _He wouldn't mind, really. At least, I think, in the end, my help would be appreciated..._

Newton stumbled far too many times to be left unsupported. Hermann held him round the middle as they headed for Newt's room. They lost their footing and Hermann was forced to let go. Newton flopped onto the bed, laughing. Hermann sighed, straightening himself up.

"You can't get into bed like that. Your clothes are wet and they smell of beer."

"Fine. You wan my clothes off," Newton slurred, "you c'n go head 'n do it." Newton, who had miraculously gotten all the way up onto the bed, stared at Hermann through his legs as the man took his shoes off for him.

"Give me your jacket," Hermann commanded benevolently. Newton wrestled out of it and threw it at Hermann who hung it on the door.

"Shirt. Off." Newton sat up and maneuvered to the edge of the bed. Hermann struggled with the man's tie, distracted by his lips and sweaty brow.

"Fingers not workin' babe?" Hermann tried his best to ignore the endearment (and the blush in his cheeks) and undid Newt's tie, draped it over a chair, and started on his buttons. Hermann got halfway down, desperately trying to ignore Newton's multicolored body art that was blossoming before him.  _They go all the way down. I wonder just how far._  Hermann shivered.

"Don't get any ideas, dude. You wan a piece o this, you gotta work for it."

"I would never take advantage of you," Hermann said honestly, slightly offended by the remark, regardless of Newton's state.

"Too much of a gentleman, huh?" Newton tried to be mocking but it came out as a sexual invitation so he just took Hermann by the wrist, plastering Hermann's right hand onto his chest. Hermann felt the warmth and softness of it.  _If only I could touch him for just a moment._  Newton brought their mouths together sloppily. Hermann returned it, caste, the taste of beer and several other liqueur flavors lingered on Newton's soft, wet lips. Hermann parted them.

"Go to sleep."

"Only if we can do this tomorrow," Newton said, teetering on the edge of sobriety.

"I was planning on it," Hermann said softly before pulling the sheets over Newton, tucking him in and kissing him on the forehead...

Hermann let the blissful image fade and knocked on Newton's door. He heard a muffled noise to indicate it was alright to enter.

"I wanted to make sure you didn't choke to death on your own sick."

"I'm not drunk enough to be sick." Hermann paused, wanting to say more, not wanting to leave.  _Shall I stay with him? No._

"Well, anyway. Goodnight, Newton."

"G'night Herms...mann," Newton muttered into the sheets. Hermann was about to pull the door to, but stopped.  _Say something you fool._

"And Newton," he said, waiting for a response.

"Yeah, what?"

"I do appreciate your offers of assistance." Newton paused for an uncomfortably long time.

"I know." Hermann closed his eyes with relief. He gently closed the door and walked back into the now empty laboratory. Newton had been away all day. Hermann felt like crying with frustration.  _If only I could say something. What am I afraid of? Rejection? Ridicule? Awkwardness? As if things could get any more awkward between us. But he did say he knew I appreciated his gestures. Yes, he did. That's right. I must concentrate on that. Despite that sentiment, however, I either have to tell him my feelings or repress them. Maybe after the kaiju war is over I can confess. If the war does ever end. I don't know if it ever will._


	24. Out Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton wonders what Hermann is like drunk.

"Well," Newton said out loud to himself, "I could feel ten times worse." He rubbed his head. A few minutes later he shuffled into the lab.

"Hungover, are we?"

" _We_  are fine, Jeeves."

"Sleep alright?"

"I was out cold, dude." Hermann faced his boards again.  _He probably doesn't drink. Maybe he doesn't indulge. Maybe I should ask him to go drinking sometime. Nah, that's dumb._

"Hermann?" Newt called over to him as if he was asking where he put the milk.

"Yes?"

"Have you ever been drunk?" Hermann turned his head.  _Holy crap what a profile he's got._

"As difficult as it may be to imagine, I have, in fact, been drunk. Not completely inebriated, but I did get rather smashed on my 21st."

"No kidding?" Hermann made a noise of annoyance, leaving Newton to ponder that situation in full detail...

_What I wouldn't give to see all his inhibitions out the window. I'd fricken film it, I swear, because no one would believe me. Would he dance or sing? Or maybe smile or laugh. I bet he's amorous when he's drunk._

"I want to make love to you, Newton," Hermann said, leaning on Newton in the corridor.

"Hermann, you're a little looped. No sex. Maybe you can kiss me. You know, if you're still awake by the time I get you back to your room."

"My room, eh?" Newton rolled his eyes.

"Newton, darling," he said with exaggerated romantic pomposity, gripping Newton's shoulders. He leaned in for a firm kiss which turned a little loose and lazy. Newton gave it his all and tried to save it from total disaster. Every messy second of it was beautiful to Newton and he moaned softly into it. Hermann broke away, looking down at Newton with a superior masculine air.

"Shuuush, you'll wake the Jaegers." Newton pooled all his efforts to move away from Hermann's lips and heave him into his room. When they approached the bed, Hermann held Newton tightly.

"You going to take advantage of me? You're the sort of man who would." Newton froze.

"Excuse me?! You think I would actually do that?!" Newton shouted. He pushed Hermann and he fell back down onto the mattress. Hermann looked up at him, lust and awe in his eyes.

"I'm gonna kiss the hell out of you until you pass out," Newton said with tender ferocity.

"Very honorable. I always knew you're the good sort. I was just...testing you." Newton walked on his hands, kneeling, one knee on either side of his hips. After a nanosecond of awkward eye contact, Newton captured his lips. It was next to impossible to keep the kiss from being sloppy but he didn't really care. _I wonder if he likes vodka or beer._  As the minutes progressed the kiss became deeper and slower and softer until at last Hermann stopped responding. Newton pulled back, a little breathless, his heart pounding. Hermann's chest was rising and falling peacefully. Newton pulled the covers around him and tiptoed toward the door. He looked back to see Hermann turn on his side, pulling the covers around him...

"Nope. Still can't imagine you drunk."

"I didn't know you were." Newton didn't respond. He was still imagining the kiss.  _Holly hell, would that feel good. Not that I want him to be practically unconscious though. What if we were both drunk? No, that's stupid. Kissing Hermann would be something you'd have to be totally sober for._


	25. Almost Touching Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann recalls the first time he touched himself when he thought about Newton.

Bickering and sexual fantasizing had risen to epic levels in K-Science. At least, the latter had for Hermann. He felt as though he was being torn in half. One minute full of rage, the next greatly aroused.  _This is slowly destroying me._  He often caught himself looking at Newton or in his direction as if that would help him understand why he had these, to him, illogical feelings. Hermann had just finished a massive influx of work. Though the need for his work never truly ceased, there was the odd moment when he could breathe. Now was one of those rare times. It was well past midnight and Newton had gone to bed. As he walked out of the lab and retired to his quarters, he stopped for a second to look at Newton's side of the lab. It looked very desolate without him.  _I can't actually miss him after a half an hour...or can I?_

Hermann stood still in the now quiet lab.  _How long has this been going on? Has it truly been a year...perhaps two? Time has lost it's reality. It's this blasted war and...falling in love with Newton has not alleviated that feeling._  At one point, about 8 months ago ( _or was it longer?_ ) he had been forced to admit to himself that he'd been having...thoughts...about Newton before he realized he was doing it. Presently, he went to his room. It too looked desolate.  _It certainly feels desolate._  Getting into bed, he thought about the first time he'd ever touched himself while thinking about Newton. It had been an accident...

They'd had an argument.  _Well, more like a flaming row._  They both had said things that crossed the line even for them. Hermann had gone to his room, fuming. He'd gotten undressed in a fury and got into bed, overly warm from the exertion. It had only been a little touch to adjust himself and then he felt that he was not completely flaccid. He swallowed.  _What brought this on?_  He hadn't noticed it when he was ticking Newton off for some crack-brained idea. He hadn't noticed it when Newton was yelling at him or mocking his accent. He hadn't noticed it when he was walking over to Newton. He hadn't noticed it when Newton was in his face, defending himself, sweating, running his hands through his thick dark hair, green eyes shining with spirit and fire and...  _oh dear Lord. It can't be. No, no, not him. Why in God's name would I consider him attractive?_  Hermann was breathing hard, his own pulse starting to beat a merry tune in his ears. His hand was resting on his groin before he had a chance to fight the impulse.  _Was it something he said that got me into this state? Apparently, just the thought of him was enough. Why would someone who infuriates me produce this contradictory effect? It's not as if we are on the best of terms. We engage in conversation that no one else will with us and that's it._  A lightbulb went off.  _No one can engage in that level of scientific conversation with either of us. That must be some sort of trigger for these impulses. That, and those bright eyes of his_. He reached into his pants right then and there.

"Dammit!" Hermann growled to himself. He tried in vain not to think of those plump pink lips, the five o'clock shadow, or how he was desperate to feel the man's shoulders.  _They look so inviting...as does his backside...not that I've ever... Oh, hang it all. His ass does look so...unf...I'd love to touch it, just once._

"Oh Newton," he sighed to himself, rubbing harder. He mentally chided himself.  _He's my work colleague; this must stop._  But he...pressed on. Soon rubbing wasn't enough. He took himself in hand, stroking and tugging. Newton's angry voice rang in his ears, first high-pitched and infuriated, then deep, mocking his own. Whatever tone, Newton's voice was saturated with personality. Hermann rubbed his thumb over the moist head, thinking about Newton, gesturing wildly, talking about the disgusting giant creatures plaguing the earth. He replayed the moments in which Newton had completely invaded his personal space, in anger or familiarity. He moaned softly as he thought of the closeness, Newton's body heat, the sheer physicality of Doctor Geiszler, the expressive, eccentric genius, a sort of outcast like himself. They knew how each other's minds worked; it was a scientific fact. But there was a terrible chasm between them. It was needlessly wide and uncrossable, full of anger and conflict.  _How I'd love to bridge that gap with a kiss. What would he think if he knew I was erect and he was the one who'd caused it?_  Hermann groaned, fisting himself with fervor. His arm was getting sore but he mindlessly careened toward release. Hermann thought of the very first time he and Newton had shaken hands, the way their palms slotted together, softly, warmly, strongly, like an electrical current was humming through his veins. Hermann practically whimpered at the thought. He felt as though his body was being licked by blue flame and he moaned loudly, spilling out in several bursts. He didn't realized he'd arched off the bed slightly until his lower back, damp with sweat, came in contact with the mattress again. He couldn't stop panting, as if the panting would get the feelings out of his system too.  _I haven't come so hard in years..._

And after that Hermann couldn't stop. He must have come dozens of times thinking about his lab partner since that day.  _Perhaps a hundred times by now._  He sat on the bed, letting most of his body be dead weight in the upright position. He threw his cane to the floor with great anger and eased himself on the bed, stretching out, his clothes still on. He put his face in his hands and almost tired to cry. But he couldn't. The mere frustration made him dry up. He slammed his fists against the mattress beneath them, but they bounced back maddeningly.  _I can't go on like this. I must tell him. Soon._


	26. Almost Touching Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton remembers the first time he touched himself when he thought about Hermann.

If there was one thing Newton wished at that very moment it was to stop bickering with Hermann. He often enjoyed it in a weird kind of way but it was getting old lately. Things seemed to reach critical mass in the tension department (both with kaiju attacks and scientific screaming matches) and Newton just couldn't take it anymore. Another thing that wasn't going anywhere was Newton's attraction to Hermann. It wasn't just romantic day-dreaming; it was highly sexual visualization. The switching back and forth between bitter rage at Hermann's patronizing and pure animal attraction to the same man was dizzying.  _How long has this shit been going on anyway? Over a year now, right? We bitch at each other in the lab half the day and then I go to my room and think about him while I jack off. It's quite the sick routine I've got going here. Good thing he doesn't know. Cause then he'd tease me for it. Well, ok, maybe he just wouldn't say anything._ When he left Hermann alone in the lab he stopped on his way out and looked at the man at the chalkboards. _Why? Why would I have to look at him? Like I have to solidify the image of his sexy ass in those old man pants? Like that's not already tattooed on my brain._  Once again in his room, Newton strained to remember the very first time he touched himself while thinking of Hermann...

They had been screaming at each other; feelings were hurt severely on both sides. The lab felt like a war zone. Doors slammed and that was that.  _Took weeks to get back to relative normal._  Newton took off his clothes and hurled them at the door. He put on his boxers and t-shirt and was just bending down to remove his socks when he suddenly realized he had a semi.  _Must be the fight. It got me so worked up. But I don't usually get non-sexual boners. Ok, well sometimes I do. But I refuse to give Hermann credit for giving me an anger arousal._  Newton got under the covers, still fuming about the fight.  _Maybe if I jerk myself off it will calm me down._  He dared to rub a little, trying to relax, but his mind kept going back to the fight. Hermann's eyes came into view.  _Deep brown eyes. Almost so dark they're black and then the light catches them and...whoa. Oh God, why am I thinking about his eyes? Ok, stop. Focus on getting off._  Newton teased the shape of himself through the fabric. He closed his eyes and breathed.  _But his eyelashes though; they're impossibly long. Oh Jesus, no._  The reason he thought about the man's face was because they had gotten so close in this fight. Hermann walked over to him. Newton got in his face. Hermann was almost imposing as he screamed back. Only a few inches made it seem like he was towering over him. His sweater vest was so close to Newton that he could see the pattern clearly; the vest that clung to the shirt underneath and somehow managed to betray the flat chest.  _That flat chest but with slight curves._  Newton felt his cock twitch a little in response.  _Oh no, no that's not good. I mean it's really good but...oh shit...he...the math nerd didn't...did he do that?_  Newton slid a hand down into his boxers.

"Oh man," Newton said with a strangled sigh. He worked himself a little more deliberately. The argument still echoed him his ears. Hermann's voice was raw and rough and quick, filled with scientific jargon and the occasional rolled r just for good measure. The insults were tailored for him and his own name was drawn out in the usual great curve of linguistic gymnastics.

"Hermann," he panted.  _Oh shit. But those thin wide lips. They're either pursed together when he's angry or parted a little when he's thinking. I'd love to slip my tongue though that little gap. I'd love to stop us arguing by just taking his lips and...unf._  Newton toyed with his leaking head, thinking how delicious it would be to kiss him raw. I _f he knew I was doing this thinking about him he'd be scandalized. He'd probably say "How disgustingly inappropriate Dr. Geiszler."_  Newton went back to pumping himself. I _should not think this guy is attractive, but I do. I guess I always have. Even when we first met._  Newton remembered how Hermann's hand felt when they first touched. The handshake was strong and solid and safe. Hermann's long clever fingers gripped him so hard. And now, here they were, arguing like they were on different sides of a battlefield, hurling insults like grenades.  _I wouldn't bother arguing with him in the first place if he wasn't so smart._  That was the other thing. Their brains. Newton figured their frequent clashes were a product of their intelligence. Why then couldn't they have reasoned arguments like scientists?  _There's too much passion in us. Shame it's not for each other._  Newton groaned. He was sweating, stroking himself, breathing hard, fighting his impulse to use Hermann as stimulation and totally failing.  _That stupid hairdo with the undercut that shows off his neck. His scrawny, sexy neck. I wanna wrap my fingers around it and pull him close and...oh._  Newton felt himself coming apart. He called out as he came, louder than necessary, shuddering through his release, not even caring that he'd have to get out of bed and change his damp boxers.  _Holy shit that was the best in years..._

From then on, Newton just ignored the wrongness of it all and thought of Hermann every time he came. He sat on the end of his bed and took off his tie, throwing it to the floor. Tears of frustration sprang to his eyes and he ran his fingers through his hair, tugging roughly, as if it would help him to think straight. He laid back on the bed with his legs dangling off the edge and sighed, his brow creased.  _This is fucking hell. I'm gonna have to tell him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [EDIT] The great stunnerstorm made this freaking wonderful art to go with this fic of mine:  
>  __  
> [GO LOOK AT ALL THIS LOVELY PERSON'S ART!!!](http://stunnerstorm.tumblr.com/tagged/my-art)


	27. A Little Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann imagines pure domestic bliss with Newton.

"I just want this war to be over," Hermann said under his breath.

"Huh?" Newton said, unnecessarily loud because his earbuds were firmly implanted. He turned around but Hermann wasn't looking at him so he returned to his messy-looking kaiju carcass.

"Nothing," Hermann sighed, shaking his head. He suddenly had a pang for a "normal" life where he could teach at a university and perhaps live with someone. Though he thought of the "someone" as a blank space for second, it was quickly filled with the image of Newton. He inhaled contentedly, thinking of them both in an apartment or maybe even a home...

"Good morning, sexy," Newt says as he shifted his slightly-stockier-than-Hermann frame over said sexy. Hermann opened his eyes a little wider, though still beautifully hazy from sleep.

"Good morning, husband." They smiled at one another.  _Oh dear God, is that what I want; to be married to him?_  Newton flipped them over so Hermann was on top. The sensation of their naked bodies against each other was too wonderful for words. Hermann kissed him passionately; both of them sighed with contented pleasure.

"Thank God we had those tests run," Hermann said, laughing, as he eased them back so Newton was on top again. It was Newton's turn to kiss his spouse and he did so with such kindness and respect that it surprised Hermann. The latter reached up to gently stroke Newton's lower back.

"You know," Newton said, breaking the kiss, "I never thought I'd be a newlywed."

"Me neither." They smiled at one another again and then Newton began kissing his husband's neck. After a few moments, the kissing turned to sucking.

"Newton?" Hermann said with his eyes closed. Newt made a muffled noise like a question as he ministered to Hermann's exposed neck. "What are you doing?"

"Giving you a wedding present," Newton said, breathy, before returning to soothe the raw spot with some kisses.

"You've already done that. The bronze bust of Alan Turing, remember?" Newton exhaled, admiring his work.

"What, I can't give you more than one gift?" Newton crossed his arms on Hermann's chest. Hermann smirked up at him. He playfully pushed Newton onto his side and wrapped a leg around him, pulling him close.  _This hot-blooded kissing and fondling is just what I desire..._

"Gottlieb!" Marshal Pentecost yelled for the third time. Hermann dropped his chalk and scurried down from his ladder.

"I-I'm so sorry sir, I was concentrating," Hermann cleared his throat, "rather hard."

"You have your latest report for me, Dr. Gottlieb?" Pentecost said tersely, with power and respect. He waited as Hermann retrieved the stapled papers from his desk.

"Thank you." Stacker walked out but stopped and turned back. "Dr. Gottlieb, it's not really my business, but if you want my advice, I suggest you take a short break. You look like you need it."

"Um," Hermann stuttered, "y-yes sir. Thank you, sir." He saluted and Pentecost left the lab. Newton had been oblivious to the entire exchange. The dampened sound of the man's death-metal music was all that could be heard.  _Newton will continue to be unaware of my feelings if I don't show him._  Hermann shook his head.  _He would never consent to start a casual relationship much less anything so permanent as a life-long commitment._  Hermann's eyes went wide and he rubbed his chin.  _I really fancy living with him and rolling around in bed with him?_

"Pentecost is right," Hermann said to himself, "I should take a short break. If only to preserve my cognitive powers."


	28. Forkfull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton imagines a domestic moment with Hermann.

"Didn't I cut up this entire piece of kaiju kidney yesterday?" Newton rocked backward and forward on his feet.  _This is starting to feel like Groundhog Day. I mean, if I can't even remember what piece of carcass I'm on, things have gotten pretty bad around here._  He was desperate to make headway and keep testing every single kaiju specimen for some little clue as to defeat them. As much as he admired them, he had a job to do, and that was find a way to end them. He was trapped in a way. He was professionally motivated to conquer them by science but personally motivated to understand them.  _If I could study them in peace like I would any other animal, that would be great._  But the kaiju were, in fact, destroying the earth. Newton had no choice.  _I just want to study them in peace and live a normal life. Go to work and then come home to an apartment instead of the dome. Like, an actual domestic setting. Maybe live with somebody. Somebody like that chalked up dork on the other side of the fucking lab..._

Hermann sat across the table from him. Newton had fixed them a dinner of spaghetti. Not an original dish, but he was good at it.

"How is it?" Newton asked tentatively. He was genuinely nervous about Hermann's opinion.

"Very nice."

"Really?" Newton was skeptical.

"Really," Hermann said with a sincere nod and a wink. He blew him a kiss. They both had knowing smirks on their faces. After several minutes, Newton twirled some more pasta on his fork and held it out to Hermann expectantly.

"What? Oh, um..." Hermann leaned forward slightly and allowed Newton to feed him a forkful.  _I bet even Hermann couldn't deny how sexy that is._  Newton got up slowly and Hermann watched as the man leaned against the table and fed him some more. Newton repeated the action until Hermann's plate was clean.

"That was lovely darling."

"The food or the way it was served?" Newton said cheekily. Hermann pulled him onto his lap, kissing him. The taste of Newton's rich tomato sauce still lingered on their tongues.

"You'd make a good food critic."

"I'd only eat your food."

"Is that symbolic of your commitment to me?"

"It could certainly be taken that way," Hermann said playfully, rubbing Newton's back.

"How about...um. Hold on a second." Newton got off Hermann's lap and got down on one knee. Hermann swallowed and his eyes widened.

"Newt?"

"Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, will you marry me?"  _Right out of a fucking rom com. I can actually say I embarrass_ myself _now._  Newton waited, staring into those big brown eyes. I _s he tearing up?_

"Yes," Hermann breathed, in shock.

"Seriously? I mean, dude, this is...I'm asking you to be my husband. This isn't just me being-"

"Newton, darling, I said 'yes.' Please come up off the floor and kiss me," Hermann said tenderly.  _Oh man, it's that funny little bittersweet look he gives me._  Newton obliged. After a few moments, he pulled away, breathless.

"Herms, you really want to get married to me?" Newton asked, cautiously, disbelieving.

"Yes. A thousand times yes." Hermann kissed him again.

"Why? What's in it for you?"

"Do you actually want me to tell you why?"

"Uh, yeah," Newton said shyly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well," Hermann said thoughtfully, settling his arms firmly behind Newton. "Your intelligence, your infuriating behavior, your cooking, the way we make love, your package is nothing to sneeze at..." Newton laughed. Hermann added; "Would you like me to go on?"  _Ok, there, I know it's a fantasy; he would never compliment my junk._

"Ok, ok, I didn't mean to fish for compliments, I just want to make sure that  _you're_  sure."

"I've never been more sure of anything," Hermann said before capturing Newton's lips again. Newton moaned softly...

"Newton?! Wake up!" Hermann growled. "You're going to end up in the med bay again. You can't have your head in the clouds while there's a scalpel in your hand and there is a large toxic chunk of kaiju meat in front of you."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I just need another cup of coffee." Hermann rolled his eyes, muttering to himself as he turned on his heal.  _Oh my God, now I'm daydreaming about marrying this nerd?! Somebody save me. There's no way he'd even sleep with me much less walk up the aisle with me. I have to stop fooling myself and concentrate on work. Seems like that's all I've got._


	29. Should Have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann wishes he would have given Newton a proper goodbye.

The day Newton drifted with part of a kaiju brain was not something Hermann could remember, even years later, without actually wincing. When he came back into the lab to find Newton shuddering, nearly unconscious, on the floor of the lab, he felt as if his heart had dropped right out of his chest.

"Newton! Newton! What have you done?!" Automatically he scrambled to the floor, somehow managing to turn off the ridiculous contraption on Newton's head. It slipped off onto Newton's shoulder. The man somehow came to. They gripped one another hard. All Newton could do was wheeze. All Hermann could do was take the man's pulse with his thumb and stare wide-eyed until Newton stopped shaking. Newton's movements relaxed to a steady nervous twitching and Hermann decided he'd better be moved off the grubby laboratory floor. He picked up Newton's glasses and folded them into the pocket of the biologist's now very dirty white button down. Hermann didn't completely understand how he had had the strength to lift a man recovering from a drift-induced seizure to a standing position, but somehow it had happened.

"Come on old chap," Hermann said as he wrapped an arm behind Newton's back and leaned half his weight on his cane, feeling as if it could snap out from under him. They had slipped at least once. Hermann leant Newton up against the power strip.

"Are you alright to stand, Newton?" Newton nodded, still in deep shock. Hermann fetched the green chair from in front of his computer and whipped it over to Newton, lowering him into it.

"I'll get you a glass of water." Hermann's hands shook so badly that the glass nearly slipped out of his hand. He rushed back over to Newton, full of fear.

"Don't move from this chair. I'll get the Marshal." Herman raced through the corridors to LOCCENT that he nearly tripped.  _It's a miracle he's not dead. Bloody fool. I should have called for medical personnel. Why didn't I do that first?_

"Marshal! Marshal! I need to talk to you."

"Not now, Dr. Gottlieb. I'm sure you can appreciate how important this moment is to me."

"Newton created a neural bridge from garbage and drifted with a kaiju." And then came the next wave of events. Hermann was terrified to return to the lab. Newton was still conscious, but he was jiggling his leg nervously and blood flowed from his nose. Stacker looked to Hermann as if to query that Newton was alright in mind and body. Hermann just shook his head, disbelieving, angered, confused, saddened, unsure, tears threatening to well up in his eyes.  _Newton. What have you done?_  And worse still was Newton's horrifying and unbelievable description that Hermann couldn't bring himself to believe. Not that it was entirely implausible; he simply wished it was. They fought, actually yelled, at a time like this. Hermann kept his distance, as if being near Newton was painful for him. He was rooted to the spot, in shock himself. And then, to Hermann's further disgust, Marshal, a man he respected (and always would), sent Newton, a man who had nearly obliterated his own brain, out on a dangerous mission to meet a known black market criminal was almost more than he could stand. Newton left straight away. Hermann felt like there was a gaping hole in his chest.  _If only I had said something. Stopped him from going, told him how I feel..._

Newton put on his leather jacket and headed for the vast door of the lab.

"Wait!" Newton turned around. He looked far too shattered to walk much less head to the bone slums in search of a kaiju brain. Hermann swallowed, hesitating for a moment before walking up to Newton. "Are you sure you're alright to go?"

"I guess so, dude. I mean, I don't really have a choice here."

"You don't want to go, do you?"

"I do and I don't."

"Yes, I think I understand."

"Well, I gotta go," Newton said, pretending everything was alright.

"Should I go with you?"

"No, that's ok," Newton smiled weakly. "No sense in putting us both in danger." Hermann winced a little. Newton looked as though he wanted to shake his hand or even hug him goodbye. And so Hermann took a chance, moved forward, got into his personal space and leaned in slowly. Newton simply breathed, his face open like a wound. Hermann kissed him. The sensation of Newton's lips beneath his own seemed unreal somehow, as if it only occurred in his daydreams. He kissed him more passionately than he most probably would have in real life in a situation like this, but he was overcome with desperation. He wanted to kiss him so badly.  _I need to._

"Try to come back in one piece." Newton stroked the side of Hermann's face.

"I'll be fine," he said tenderly. And then he was gone...

Hermann wiped a tear away. What if Newton never came back. He tried not to think of what might very well happen. He could be killed by a Chau or even a kaiju. Anything could happen. Hermann stood in the silence of the laboratory. Their home. Where they had fought, worked in, slept in, eaten in, and Hermann had even fantasized in. Without Newton, the lab would be no home at all.  _I must find a way to profess my feelings before it's too late._


	30. Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton wishes they could have had a proper goodbye.

Hermann had gone to get the Marshal. Newton sat alone in the lab. It was deadly silent. He was wiggling his legs in great agitation. He hadn't drunk the water that Hermann had given him. Blood had already started to drip from his nose. He was in total shock. "Be careful what you wish for," he thought to himself. His mind was blank and yet dizzyingly full at the same time.  _Hive mind..clones...army of clones...sent to destroy us. I was right. I was so close to death. Why the hell did I want to have revenge on Hermann? Why did I say those horrible things on the recording? Why? Emotions...childhood...past...science...war...viscera...AT GC AT GC AT GC._  When he heard Hermann return with the Marshal, Newton took a sip from the glass and wiped more blood away. His hands couldn't stop trembling.

"I told you it would work," Newton began. The rest of his words seemed to be a muddle as he tried to get out the essential information as quickly as he possibly could. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Hermann, shaking his head, in almost as much shock as he was. Newton was on the verge of tears. Stacker grounded him. And then to his horror, something happened that he didn't realize he'd been dreading; Hermann continued, even in the light of Newton's disturbing success, disagreed with him.  _Couldn't he except that I'm right for once?!_  But when Stacker shut Gottlieb up, Newton was almost sorry.  _No, don't yell at him._  He didn't quite understand why he felt this way. And then, the assignment. He had to travel to the bone slums and find Hannibal Chau so he could connect with another kaiju brain. Still in the shock of drifting, the idea seemed like madness, but when that feeling started to ware off he didn't want to miss the opportunity to possibly see a kaiju, alive. And so he went.  _I don't think Hermann wants me to go. Don't know why, he probably hates my guts. And if he ever hears that recording he will hate me for sure. But then, he did bring me the glass of water, and tuck my glasses into my shirt pocket._  Newton recalled being on the floor, the sound of Hermann's voice, distressed, muffled at first. Newton was still lost in a blue tinted haze, his mind filled with terror and science and kaiju. But he could hear Hermann. He remembered holding onto him tightly and Hermann's hand on his neck. Hermann somehow got him to stand and then he put him in a chair.  _Maybe he does care._

Newton found himself in the helicopter outside of Shatterdome, (his home, if he admitted it to himself), waiting to take off.  _I should have asked him to come with me._  Newton searched the ground near the helipad, hoping to see Hermann, wanting him to come after him, to say goodbye, imagining what that would be like...

Hermann came into view, his green parka hastily thrown on and hanging open. Rain was pouring down. Newton turned around to see him running after him. He yelled Newton's name over the noise of the helicopter engine. And then they were standing a foot apart.

"Newton! Be careful!" Hermann's face was pleading and sad and frightened. Newton reached up to him, and gently pushed the hood off his head. His funny hairstyle, that Newton ridiculed but secretly loved, soon became damp. Hermann's brown eyes,  _his deep, beautiful, brown eyes_ , were staring into his. Newton pulled him down for a kiss. The rain dripped onto their lips.  _This isn't a goodbye kiss, Hermann._  He tasted Hermann's mouth and ran his fingers through his wet hair before pulling away. Both of them were in a different kind of shock.

"I'll be careful," Newton said as he backed away. Hermann nodded, still terrified he'd never see him again...

Newton looked out of the helicopter window, still looking in vain for Hermann. The engine started.  _Too late to turn back now._  His head was full with the history of the beasts he'd come to admire, the beasts that everyone hated for destroying the world. The world could end if he didn't find out how to defeat the very creatures at the center of his life. And if he died trying, Hermann would never know how he felt about him. Newton pressed his palm to the helicopter window as Shatterdome disappeared beneath him.


	31. He Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drift reveals more than the true nature of the breach.

When Stacker Pentecost sent Hermann to go to Newton, Hermann was secretly overjoyed. At any other time, the thought of going to the bone slums, at night, in the rain, with a 97.5% chance of getting within 10 yards of a kaiju would be the very last scenario on Earth that would appeal to Hermann. This was not any other time. Newton had practically killed himself drifting with a segment of kaiju brain in order to prove his theory that the kaiju were clones. He had been right.  _Damn him._  On top of which, Hermann had still not taken a golden opportunity to proclaim his feelings for his lab partner. So Newton had gone on the dangerous mission alone, still recovering from a highly dangerous drift experiment. But at least Hermann could go now. When he finally found him ( _God knows how_ ), it had stopped raining. Hermann walked up to Newton and saw he had an abrasion on his forehead. He had to stop himself from reaching out to touch Newton's scrape.  _He must have seen that impulse._

"You're injured," he said lamely.

"Yeah, I'm ok."  _Was Hermann just about to touch my forehead? I probably just imagined it._  Newton busied himself with preparing to drift with the lifeless baby kaiju while Hermann listened to the LOCCENT radio.

"Two?! There are two kaiju signatures in the breach, not three like I predicted!" Newton squabbled with the mathematician as he stuck a neural spike into the infant kaiju's brain and hopped down to the pons system. Hermann pursued him.  _Newton and I are still bickering, even at a time like this?_

Newton had no time to think about his feelings for Hermann or even the man's theories.  _Hermann's upset about being wrong? Yeah, I know how that feels, buddy._  He'd been pursued by a kaiju which scared him half to death and seen a man eaten by it's baby. Now, the only hope of saving the world was to go back into the hive mind. Not even his fantasies of Hermann could comfort him. He felt so alone.

But then.

"There is only one way to make sure..." Hermann said as he typed, preparing the computer for his brain before Newton could object, "and that is to do this...together." He thrust out his chin, firmly planted his cane on the ground, and straightened his back.

Newton turned around slowly, the breeze in his hair. He was shattered and dirty and he could have cried with joy, awe.  _Holy shit. What?_

"I'll go with you," Hermann said, desperately trying to make an excuse for risking his life to help him, pointing at the screen as if it would support his decision. "That's what the Jaeger pilots do. Share the neural load."

"You're serious? Y-you would do that for me - or - you would do that with me."  _He probably would never actually do it for me. Let's get real here._

"Well, with world-wide destruction as a certain alternative, do I really have a choice?"  _I mustn't let him know._

"Then say it with me, my man," Newton said, offering his hand. "We're gonna own this bad boy." Hermann looked down at Newton's hand that was curved in a way he was not familiar with.  _Oh dear, a modern sort of handshake._  He gritted his teeth.  _Newton's reaching out to me. I don't think he's ever done this before._

"By Jove, we are going to own this thing for sure," he said, fumbling and then finally grasping Newton's hand. Hermann's deep brown eyes shone bright and a smiled stretched tight over his mouth. Newton laughed in total exultation. Soon, they hooked themselves up to the pons system.

"You ready for this?" Newton yelled.

"Yes..." Hermann muttered.  _No, I certainly am not. I do hope he appreciates this._

A short countdown and they were sucked into the hive mind. It felt like having your head squeezed from the inside out. The sheer pressure from having years worth of memory packed into the space of a few seconds was overwhelming. There was no end and no beginning to emotions; they were all one circle. Flashes of memory preceded visions of kaiju: childhood sadness, youthful rebellion, and never-ending science.

Newton saw Hermann as a little boy, on the floor, his head buried in his arms.  _Poor little guy._  Then came Hermann's scientific path, a path Newton knew well, but now he actually saw it and felt it from the inside. The mathematics go on for miles. But the most incredible thing was incomprehensible to him: sexual feelings of a very powerful nature. Passionate thoughts in great detail...about himself.  _About me? Oh my God. That can't be right. Hermann has feelings for me? That's gotta be just my feelings, not his._  However, Newton knew that what he was seeing was true.

Hermann felt the pain of Newton's tattoos, the rallies, Newton's career. And then, in a jarring moment, Hermann found that he suddenly knew about a message Newton had left him on what could have been his final recording.  _Bloody stupid bastard. How dare he blame me, even in jest. I'll call him out for that later._  Herman wasn't allowed to dwell on his anger long when he was hit by another wave of Newton's experience. Feelings, deeply sexual, highly romantic feelings, for him.  _Newton can't possibly desire me. I must have imagined it._  Yet Hermann knew that it was a fact.

Newton and Hermann were then both flooded by how the breach worked. That outweighed everything in their minds.

"Hermann, are you ok?" Newton pulled off his pons headset.

"I'm completely fine," Hermann lied before vomiting into a conveniently located broken toilet. He motioned back to Newton for the handkerchief he knew the biologist had in his pocket.  _Another byproduct of the drift?_

There was no time to discuss their feeling now. There was only one way past the breach and only they knew how. A silent helicopter ride later and they were bursting into Shatterdome, Newton half dragging Hermann along as they made their way to LOCCENT. They were just in time.

Newton and Hermann were working together to the disbelief of all who saw them. They were agreeing, Hermann used a metaphor, they were glued to one another's sides, exchanged glances. LOCCENT was utter chaos. A triple event.  _Oh great, Hermann was right._  In the end it was a bittersweet victory. Not only were the Wei triplets and the Kaidonovskys dead, but Pentecost and Chuck were gone too, self-sacrificed to clear a path for Gipsy Danger.

Words could not describe the loss that would be felt without them. "Last days of war, gentleman," Marshal Pentecost had said. And hopefully, this was the last day of this war.

When Raleigh nearly didn't make it, Newton watched Hermann. He could feel Hermann's trepidation. They couldn't lose yet another person. They were all a sort of family.

"I can't find his pulse," Mako said in great anguish, "I don't think he's breathing."  _This is how Hermann felt when I was on the floor of the lab._

Finally Raleigh's voice could be heard. He was alive. Hermann was silently gasping for air. They were free to rejoice knowing their last Jaegers were safe. Newton took one look at Hermann and decided that that was the moment to embrace him. Hermann closed his eyes as Newton wrapped his arms around him, patting him on the back.  _Is this the first time we've given each other a proper hug?_  Newton felt Hermann's arm all the way around his shoulder. There was no time to linger as congratulations were exchanged between everyone. But then, the clock was stopped and Hermann sidled over to Newton. He dared to look at the man.  _Please, please touch me again. Please hug me._  Newton smiled and flung his arm around Hermann's neck and pulled him close, rocking him a bit, as if making sure he was real. Hermann smiled shyly, like his face would bust if he grinned, with his lips drawn tight over his mouth, as he leaned into Newton. The cheering didn't subside for a long time. They needed to leave LOCCENT.

They stood so close their shoulders bumped, and then their knuckles brushed, and then their fingers, until they found themselves holding hands. They walked out of LOCCENT through the liberated, noisy crowd, and headed back to the lab.

The sounds of Shatterdome could be heard down the corridors, making the lab seem even quieter. Their hands slipped apart with calmness and familiarity. Newton stood between his dissection table and Hermann's chalkboards while Hermann got himself a drink of water. He returned quietly. Years of toiling was suddenly at an end. Several friends were dead. The breach throat had collapsed. The kaiju were gone.  _So this is what it feels like when you stop banging your head against the proverbial wall._

Hermann leaned on his cane. Newton was uncharacteristically still. They turned to each other. Their breach needed to be closed too.

"I have to say something," they blurted out in unison.  _How am I going to do this?_

"Well, actually two things."

"I know."

"Oh?"

 _Ghost drifting, Newton._  Hermann raised his eyebrows slightly.

_Yeah, it's pretty strong._

"I think I know what you want to say," Hermann said, his face stern and anxious.

"Yeah," Newton, barely audible. He took a deep breath and spoke louder, gathering every ounce of his courage. "I'm sorry for leaving you that message. I was an asshole. Please forgive me."

"Yes you were. And I do," Hermann said but added hastily, "Forgive you, that is." He became even more somber, making certain Newton knew it. He stared into his eyes. "Just promise me you'll never risk your life like that again."

_I just got another pang of Hermann's concern when he found me. Shit that was strong._

"I promise. I know how you hate promises, but..."

"I won't hate your promise if you are sincere."

"I am, I really am," Newton said as urgently as possible.  _I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Hermann. Shit, please don't hate me._

_I don't hate you._

"We both know what we want to say," Hermann uttered quietly. He tried not to think the words "love" and "darling" but he had a suspicion Newton might have felt it.

_I know, dude. Me too._

"Yeah," Newton said, hardly able to breathe.

 _Newton._  They stared at the bloody rings around their irises.

"I don't know if I can say it," Hermann said, almost fearful.

_It's ok, Herms._

"Ok, well, um," Newton said bracing himself, shifting his weight from one foot to another. "How about... I'll say one part of the sentence and you say the other. We can say it together."

"Yes, perhaps that would be best." Newton inhaled deeply.

"Ok, go!" Hermann gripped his cane, hard.

"I've been having..." Hermann began.

"...sexual fantasies..." Newton continued.

"...about...you."

You could hear a pin drop.

"I mean, i-it's nothing to be ashamed about," Newton said as he felt his brain unclench.

"No no, certainly not," Hermann said a little too quickly.

_Oh this is terribly embarrassing._

_He's blushing._

"But...ha...we did think of some pretty fucked up shit. I mean, hate-sex in the elevator?" Newton was being off-hand again. Hermann, on the other hand, lost his cool.

"You!" Hermann spluttered. "You envisioned hate-sex on your dissection table!"

"Oh! and James Bond's creepy brother wasn't a little bit weird," Newton shot back.

"Well, your pathetic attempt to seduce me with your staggering mastery of basic maths wasn't much better."

"Oh really,  _school teacher_? That was a little sick, dude." Hermann gritted his teeth. His eyes narrowed.

"And being a Jaeger pilot would not impress  _me_  you bloody poser. Oh, and by the way, thank you for fantasizing about punching me."

"Oh like you didn't want to deck  _me_  a few times!"

"I may have had the impulse."

"An impulse, like, say, wanting me to ride you?" Newton shrugged.

"You fantasized about proposing marriage to me!"

"You imagined us already married! And in bed together!"

"You fantasied about  _jouncing_  me into a bed!" Hermann threw his hands up.

"K, you just said 'jounce,' no one says 'jounce' anymore," Newton said, a little calmer.

"Except me," Hermann admitted, taking a deep breath.

"Except you," Newton said, looking away.

"And you, as you would say, 'get off' on my 'quaint little phrases,'" Hermann said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I  _am_  turned on my your dumb-ass little phrases, so what?" Newton said defensively.

"Oh, I see! First they're 'quaint' now they're 'dumb-ass.'"

"Yeah, 'dumb-ass,' that's right, you heard..." Newton paused to see Hermann roll his eyes. "But they are pretty cute..." Newton started to smile.

"Oh?" Hermann's chest rose and fell a little faster, hope in his eyes.

"You already know I think that," Newton said, feeling nervous all over again. Hermann's mind was racing. They both paused for an uncomfortably long time. Hermann looked at the floor, rotating his cane back and forth.

"So you really do love me, then?" Hermann's heart was pounding very hard. Newton closed the gap between them so he was standing mere inches away, forcing Hermann to look down at him. Their faces were so very close.

"Yes." Newton spoke so quietly that he didn't even sound like himself. It was Newton's turn to look down, though he could feel Hermann looking at him. They couldn't get much closer. "And you love me?" Newton added.

"Yes." Their eyes met and there was no turning back. They watched it happen in slow motion. They gazed at each other's parted lips until the last second when they had no choice but to close their eyes.

_Holy shit, this is really gonna happen._

_Dear God, it's happening._

Their lips, wanting and hungry, pressed together with aching softness. In that moment they ceased to think. Or perhaps it was the fact that they were thinking the very same thing and it cancelled out both thoughts? Not three seconds went by before they tilted their heads slowly and opened their mouths to one other. The breach between them had collapsed for good. Hermann could only think single words before he was able to process full sentences again.

_...mouth...succulent...pleasure...warmth..._

The same was true for Newton.

_...lips...tongue...soft...heaven..._

_Newton, I've been dying to touch you._

_I know dude, I've wanted to do this for fuckin' years._

One thing they would never be sure of was how long it was before they parted. They only dared to hold each other's gaze for one single second before embracing once again. All the fantasies they had lacked the most vital elements: body, muscle, bone, blood, heartbeat, warmth. But now they were both very solid and real. No wishing, no hoping, just reality. They inhaled the other's scent deeply, holding on with all their strength. They relaxed their grip, stroking each other's arms. Hermann spoke first.

"Despite the amount of time we've spent in conflict, I'm very fond of you."

"Same." Newton beamed. He dropped head onto Hermann's chest. Hermann kissed the man's hair.

"So, uh," Newton said, looking up tentatively, "Which of these fantasies is your favorite?"

"You'll find out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is significantly longer, i.e. 1,500 words longer, than most chapters. I did reiterate some film dialogue but avoided it as much as I could and I padded it with my interpretation. Stay tuned for a steamy conclusion in the final chapter.


	32. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-drift relations. AKA riding off into the proverbial sunset. High levels of fluff, gratuitous domesticity and sex.

They took hands again. It wasn't awkward in the least. Newton was about to lead them to one of their rooms but Hermann stopped him.

"What?" Newton looked a little worried.  _Oh no buddy, don't back out on me now._

"Newton, as much as I'm yearning for us to have relations," (Newton bit down on his lip to avert a snort.) "I think we're both in need of a shower." Newton breathed a sigh of relief.

"Absolutely. And then maybe some food and then...sex?" A little smirk came over Hermann's face and he placed a kiss just under Newton's jaw. Newt licked his lips.

"Lots and lots of sex," Hermann said sensuously as he kissed Newton's neck. Newton shut his eyes.

"Where's the emotionally guarded Hermann I know?"

"He's still here," Hermann said sadly. He pulled back to look at Newton somewhat shyly.

"But you let your guard down a little bit," Newton said, squeezing the taller man's arms.

"It's not every day I'm about to...make love to...to my best friend."  _Heavens, I can hear my own heart beating._

"Shit, dude, I'm your best friend?" Newton said in total amazement.

"Yes."

"Sure you don't mean  _only_  friend," Newton said, making a jibe at himself.

"Given the choice you'd still be my best friend," Hermann said in all honesty.

_That makes me indescribably happy, my man._

_I'm very glad, darling._

"And uh, just for the record, your opinion is really the only one I care about," Newton admitted.

"I'm flattered." Newton bit his lip and began steering them out of the main part of the lab. Hermann stopped again.

"Do you mind if we use  _my_  shower? Mine has a rail in it...that I need."

"Oh sure,' Newton said, nodding kindly, with great caring in his eyes. "Lead the way hotstuff," he added with his usual flair.

"Newton, are you going to call me these ridiculous nicknames all the time?"

"Yup. Deal with it."

"I suppose I have no choice." Hermann was not good at hiding his amusement. Newton gave his hand a squeeze. Once in Hermann's bathroom ( _this is way cleaner than mine_ ), Hermann started taking off his clothes as if Newton wasn't there. After he got down to his trousers (sans belt) and button-down shirt, with Newton standing there, literally staring with his mouth open in anticipation of seeing the man's naked body, Hermann looked up suddenly.

"Go on, get undressed," Hermann said, more casually than he had been in quite possibly his whole life. Newton immediately started shedding his clothes as Hermann reached into the shower to turn the water on before returning to the buttons on his shirt.

_Oh no you don't._

_I beg your pardon?_

"My turn," Hermann let out a single laugh that filled the whole bathroom. Newton's fingers were on his buttons and in a few seconds the shirt was on the floor.

"Oh fuck I was right. You are super hot," Newton said, spreading his hands over Hermann's soft flat chest.  _Just the right amount of curves._  Hermann shook his head with a smile and swooped down to kiss Newton, gathering him in his arms. Newton slid his hands all over Hermann's naked torso.  _He's sculpted like a goddamn statue!_

_That's preposterous, Newton, but thank you all the same._  They parted softly.

"Hey," Newton said, wiggling his eyebrows, "let's get in the shower cuz I'm feeling dirty in more ways than one."

"Do you mind if we don't make love in the shower just now? It's a little too athletic after what we've been through."

"I totally agree."

"Thank you, darling," Hermann said, stroking Newton's cheek. The latter closed his eyes.  _God I love that word._

"I..."  _love you...heavens it's still difficult to say._

"You can say it out loud all the time, dude, it's not a swear word." Hermann looked nervous but he knew there was only one thing to say to that.

"I love you."

"I love you."

The water pattering against the shower curtain was the only sound in the room for several seconds. The room was becoming very steamy. Herman stepped forward and slipped Newton's shirt off the man's shoulders. Newton pulled off Hermann's belt. The mathematician's trousers dropped to the floor. They both worked Newton's tight pants off and soon those too were on the cool bathroom floor. Hermann swallowed audibly as he gawked at Newton's kaiju tattoos; the ink clearly continued past the line of his underpants.

"We've been inside each other's heads, seeing each other naked is no big deal right?"

"No, course not." Then the underwear was removed in silence, gazes were averted. They stepped into the shower together. The sheer relief from washing off all the sweat and grime from their escapades was heavenly. They playfully fought for the benefit of the waterfall, ultimately coming to a silent agreement that it could be shared. More kissing was accomplished than actual washing.

"If someone said to me a year ago I'd be french kissing Hermann Gottlieb in a shower I would have said they were drunk."

"That's  _Doctor_ , to you," Hermann teased.

"Pretentious asshole," Newton said, unable to hold back a smile. Hermann began kissing him again, pressing them together. Their bodies could not lie.  _Oh you sexy thing you._

"Nice endowment you got there," Newt said, looking down at Herman's lower half, "Is that baby insured by K-Science?"

"Don't be grotesque." Hermann handed him a shampoo bottle. Instead of putting the glob of shampoo on his own head Newton put it on Hermann's. Although he was initially rejected, Newton worked his fingers through the silly bowl cut he loved so much and Hermann was very grateful. Hermann reciprocated. But then his eyes fell on Newton's scrape. He made a tisk noise. Reaching up, he shieldedNewton's eye as he drizzled hot, soapy water over the abrasion. Newton winced slightly, then relaxed as the wound was soothed and wrapped his arms around the man to hold him steady.

"You know what I can't get over?" Newton said several minutes later as they were rinsing off.  _He probably knows but whatever._

"I do know, but for the sake of conversation: what?"

"You sidled up to me because you wanted me to hug you again." Hermann looked down abruptly, unsuccessfully hiding his bashful look.

_I was hoping you would notice._

_I did._

Wrapped in towels, they made their way back to their rooms to put on clean clothes before meeting up on Hermann's side of the lab. Hermann was sitting at one of his desks with a small plate of sandwiches in front of him. Newton returned wearing a battered but clean rock tee and another snug pair of jeans. He squeezed Hermann's shoulder as he sat down very close to him.

"Great! Let's recharge before we blow the roof off this place," Newton declared before taking a bite.  _He can cook too._

_Anyone can make a sandwich, Newton._

"These are really good, Herms."

"Thank you. I can only tolerate so much Shatterdome fare per week." Newton took his hand wordlessly. They sat still for a short time as they digested, glancing at each other but only peripherally. Newton wanted to drag Hermann to the nearest bed and reenact every single one of their fantasies but for some reason he hesitated.

_Are you nervous?_

_About what we both want to do...now?_

_Yes._

_A little, if I'm to be honest._

_Me too._

_You? You're never nervous about anything._

_You know that's not true._ There were no words to describe the silent desire pulsing through them. They couldn't think of any.  _God, I want him so bad. But I can't rush him._

_Newton, I can hear you._

_Sorry._

_Perhaps we shouldn't wait any longer._  Newton looked at him, searching, his mouth open with yearning.

"Do you have the appropriate paraphernalia?"

"Yeah," Newton said as he exhaled, "I'll go get it - them -uh, you know what I mean." The kiss he placed on Hermann's lips became far more sensual than he had initially intended and they spent several moments indulging in the simple yet effective activity.

"I'll be waiting."

"Your room?"

"Mm, please," Hermann said, petting Newt's arm as the man moved away.

"Fine by me," Newton said. "I'll be three seconds," he added hastily.

Three  _minutes_  later, Newton was outside Hermann's door holding several condom packets and a bottle of lube. Hermann bit down on his lip, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of it all, while still being terribly embarrassed. Newton's lips were closed, his eyes full of words. How did they even get to this point? After all their bickering all these years, Newton was standing outside Hermann's door and they were about to have sex. Not casual, fantasy-driven, frenzied sex - an actual, planned event. Hermann let him in. They were truly alone together now. The lab was their home but still a public space. There were invisible barriers there, invisible shackles holding them back all these years. But not now.

"Newton, I..."

"You don't have to say anything, Hermann," Newton said, smiling softly, saddened by the loss of years but anxious to reach out and never turn back. Hermann sensed Newton's feelings and reached out slowly. Newton reached out with equal effort and a moment later they were in each other's arms.

_I can feel his heart beating against mine._

_Hermann...Hermann._

_I know...I know._

Their clothes were once again on the floor and moments later they were on the bed, not willing to cease touching each other's naked bodies.

"I used to think you were a stiff and now you actually are," Newton said slyly as he caressed the man all over. Hermann chuckled into his soon-to-be-lover's neck.

_He wants to be touched on his back and chest,_  Newton reminded himself as he put action to word.

_Thank you for remembering that, Newton._  Hermann fondled Newton's bare bottom, eliciting a soft moan from them both.

_Can we just...?_

_Yes, Newton. I think we'd better._

Even their movements seemed to be in harmony. Newton straddled Hermann's lap.

"Is this ok?" Newton, pointed down, a worried look on his face.

"It's fine," Hermann said, smiling up at him. They both began to breathe more heavily. He reached for the lubricant. "May I?" he added. Newton nodded, allowing Hermann to massage his entrance with a lubricated finger. Newton held onto his shoulders, letting his head drop back.

_Oh Hermann._

_My God, he's beautiful._ Newton inhaled to the fullest, stretching his chest out, the kaiju tattoos spread out before Hermann like sunset behind a petroleum factory. After several minutes of delicious manipulation, once a third long, slender finger was inside him, Newton swallowed and spoke.

"Ok, that's it. Time for phase two, babe." Newton lifted up and applied a condom as Hermann watched in awe and aching arousal. Newton placed both hands on his face and kissed him.

"Are your legs ok? Your hips...?"

"I'm fine Newton, please don't fuss."

"Just let me know if you're in pain, ok."

"That's very kind of you but I will let you know if I'm in any discomfort." After a moment's pause, Hermann positioned himself appropriately and Newton eased down very slowly.

"Oh my... _God!_ " Newton exclaimed loudly, his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth agape.

"Are you alright?" Hermann panted.

"Oh fuck yes!" Hermann held Newton by his thighs as the man rode his lap. The electric current they felt coursing through them in the drift seemed to be reactivated. There was a pulse beside the pulse of their blood that enhanced every spark of feeling within them. Hermann mouthed Newton's chest, trailing the tip of his tongue over the man's nipples as he gripped him, pushing up into him.

"You can't imagine how long I've wanted this, Newton."

"Oh yes I can."  _Holy fuck this is actually happening._

_Please tell me this isn't a dream, Newton._

_It isn't a dream._

"It isn't a dream," Newton said, gasping.

"Thank God." Newton smiled, his eyes half closed. He took a good deal of weight on his legs to make things easier on Hermann and so that he could feel the man beneath him slipping out and in, out and in. Sweat dripped down them, the air between them was hot. It was hard work but soon their shared determination was overtaken by involuntary action and they were reaching the brink of pleasure. Newton wrapped his left arm around Hermann's shoulders and took hold of his own leaking cock.

"Newton, shall I come?" Hermann stammered.

"Yeah dude, go for it. Just come," Newton encouraged, "I'm ready. I'm almost there." Their hearts were pounding audibly. Newton moaned and it set off Hermann's orgasm like a lit match on a rocket fuse. Hermann called out, sounds Newton never could have imagined Hermann making.

"Newton! By  _Jove!_ " Hermann groaned as the waves of pleasure washed over him.

"H-Hermann. Hermann! I'm-I'm coming." Newton let himself tumble over the edge, never wanting the pleasure to stop. He felt Hermann quivering just as much as he was. Every nerve in their bodies was on fire, smoldering, burning. Their skin was damp, lungs heaving.

"Oh I love you, you daft bugger," Hermann said, holding him close.

"I love you, you stuffy son of a bitch." Newton kissed his neck. Hermann ran his hands up Newton's back. The truest word between them was love. They were still in each other's minds. Perhaps they always had been.

A moment passed before Newton sensed discomfort.

"I do hate to ask you, darling, but could you move?"

"Yeah, sure, sorry Herms."

"That's quite alright." Hermann shuddered as Newton pulled up. They collapsed onto the mattress. Newton cleaned them off and they lay still, lungs pumping softly, fingers entwined. They slipped into blessed unconsciousness, though still connected even in dreams. Dreams they didn't remember, dreams that were not dreams but threads of conversations they'd already had, until they were just wisps of thought. And then, morning.

Hermann woke first. His hand was on Newton's chest. He slipped away quietly to use the bathroom and returned to see Newton opening his eyes.

"Did I wake you?" Hermann whispered as he leaned down to kiss him on the mouth.

"No, not really, I just felt you waking up." Hermann wrapped his arms around Newton's chest, nuzzling into the man's shoulder. Newton smiled. "Morning babe," he added, kissing the top of Hermann's head as he hugged him back. Their bliss was interrupted by Newton's phone buzzing in his pants pocket.

"Oh what  _is_  it?" Hermann grumbled as Newton scrambled for the cell.

"Text from Tendo. Press wants to talk to us," Newton said, rubbing his eyes as he dropped it back in the pile of clothes. Hermann pulled him back under the sheets and resumed nuzzling him as forcefully as possible. Newton laughed silently.

"If they want to talk to us they'll have to come in. I'm not getting out of this bed. They'll have to drag me out. They'll have to pry me off of you," Hermann protested while burying his face into Newton's chest.

"You're a sweetheart," Newton said, kissing Hermann's hair again.

"I'm a curmudgeon," Hermann replied snuffly.

"All sweethearts call themselves curmudgeons." They both exhaled contentedly, lazily fondling each other.

"Newton, I can hear you thinking."

"So, um, you don't mind the ink then, huh?"

"No, Newton, I don't mind," Hermann said, trailing a finger along the outline of a kaiju's head. "Let's have a closer look, shall we?" He reached for his glasses. Newton craned his neck down to see Hermann peering through his librarian glasses. "Despite the subject matter they are very well done. Such detail and color." Hermann began kissing the man's chest and Newton leaned his head back, getting lost in the comforting sensation of warm lips on his body. Hermann's collection of math literature appeared, upside down before him. Something caught his eye.

"You lying sack of kaiju shit! I knew it!" Newton hollered with triumph as he brandished a slim red volume of Shakespeare's sonnets in the air. "Lies huh?" Hermann sat up and crossed his arms.

"They are mathematically constructed."

"Uh huh," Newton said, suspiciously, thumbing though the book. Sonnet 58 was marked.

"Th' imprison'd absence of your liberty..." Hermann said softly. Newton took his hand.

"When I'm not around you feel like you're in prison?" he asked.

"Yes." Hermann turned to Newton, astounded.

"Somehow I know what that means," Newton said, deep in thought, meeting Hermann's eyes with his own. "I feel that way about you too...like, shit, when you when to get Pentecost I felt so...alone...like the whole lab was holding me down like a cage." Newton shook his head. Hermann squeezed his hand.

"Hermann?" Newton said, eyeing the man's cane.

"Yes, you may look at it," Hermann said, passing it over. Newt held it in his hands like he'd never seen it before. He rotated the brown wood in his hands before stopping at the smooth, gold handle.

"It's beautiful...like you," Newton said, looking over at Hermann.  _Don't cry Gottlieb, don't cry you bloody fool._

"No one's every described me as beautiful before," Hermann said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Of course you are, dude. Your eye lashes are like fuckin' Bambi."

"Don't be silly."

_I'm not._  Newton held Hermann's hand very tightly.

"Have you thought of...? No, too soon," Hermann stopped himself from continuing.

"A future? Yeah, I mean, we did both considered...marriage. Listen, Hermann, if you don't want to get married that's fine but I just want us to be together. I-if that's ok with y–" Newton didn't get the chance to finish his sentence because Hermann swiftly captured his lips.

_Marriage would be fine by me._

"It's totally gonna work, dude, I know it," Newton said smiling and laughing when they parted, still clutching each other tightly.

"Even though we're like chalk and cheese?" Newton laughed harder and Hermann joined in.

"I don't think we're all that different."

"Perhaps not."

The bloody rings around their irises were beginning to fade.

**Author's Note:**

> Also on FF.net.


End file.
